memories of the bad relationship, the college attempt that didn’t work out, the hateful relative, and any outcomes that remind you of failure, evoke sadness, or are simply best left behind. You are creating your future, and you have an opportunity here to decide what you’ll bring into that future.
Does downsizing still look like a cause to lose memories? To me, it’s a chance to strengthen the memories that deserve keeping and delete the ones that distract from the good stuff.
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Keep These Factors in Mind When Deciding about Collections
If you have a collection of similar Memory Items—like movie tickets—the two factors to consider when you’re deciding whether to keep them are space and significance.
You’ll need space in order to house the collection in a way that honors and respects it. Keeping hundreds of vintage postcards in a box in the garage is not honoring them. When a collection is not treated with the respect it deserves, it becomes little more than clutter.
Second, what’s the significance of having all the items? Retaining the full collection can be a meaningful memento in some cases. But often, retaining just a few key pieces achieves the same result.
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Reframing tip: If you are certain that a possession will continue to bring up feelings of sadness in the future, leave it behind. Sadness should never be a factor that motivates you to keep an item. Why should sadness pull you away from the uplifting feelings that your true treasures will evoke?
#3: I’m dishonoring my heritage.
As you downsize, you may want to part with belongings that a family member set aside for you or that someone specifically asked you to keep. This can be especially scary if you feel that items weren’t so much given to you as entrusted to you. To let them go is to betray that trust, right?
Many people fear that they’re going to dishonor their family members, either living or dead, with their choices. But this isn’t a fear—it’s a form of guilt that plays unfairly with your emotions. Reframe this feeling by acknowledging that you have a chance to discover who you are in relation to these people. In this way, you can reinforce the memory and legacy of those who came before you.
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Digital Downsizing
The digital age means never having to completely lose a possession. If you feel that an object doesn’t meet the “treasure” definition, but you need just a little of the memory jog it provides, take a digital picture of it or scan it into your computer. Upload it to the Cloud, and you can access it wherever you go.
If you don’t have the time or know-how to upload photos or scan ticket stubs or other memorabilia, perhaps a loved one who’s participating in the downsizing can pick up this task.
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If you could talk to your parents, grandparents, and more distant ancestors, would they say that the most important thing they ever did was collect stuff? Ideally, the answer is no.
Also, someone who loves you (or loved you when they were here) wouldn’t want you to agonize over a sideboard, a silver tray, or other material things. And if they do, that’s not love. It’s emotional blackmail. Those who came before you gave you life, and with it the intelligence and free will to make your own decisions. I hope they also showed you how to make decisions that bring joy and happiness, not a crushing sense of obligation to items that were never yours to begin with.
If any of these people are still around, ask them what they’d like you to do with their stuff—with the caveat that you will have final decision-making power once it’s yours. Odds are very good that they’ll tell you to do with it what makes you happy, without added guilt.
Then ask them how they’d like you to honor their legacy in a way that doesn’t involve their stuff. What values, morals, or other meaningful qualities do they want to live within you and their other descendants? Learning these wishes is a priceless gift of downsizing. So elevate your discussion above physical things to how best to immortalize the people you love and cherish.
Reframing tip: Your home should not be a safety deposit box for your family history, unless that’s a choice you deliberately make. If you choose to take on that responsibility, make sure you have the resources and the enthusiasm to follow through. If you don’t, pass your important family-history heirlooms on to