kisses and apologies into his skin.
He’d said it was fine, and he was sure he’d even convinced John that it was, but he wasn’t sure how long he could do the dirty little secret thing. He’d done that before, had tried to be supportive to a boyfriend who wasn’t ready to come out, and it had suffocated him and ended in heartbreak.
But then that night, John had sucked Lukas’s brains out through his dick, and he’d told himself he would put up with just about anything to keep feeling so good.
Now that the week was coming to an end, Lukas felt more unsure than ever. They were getting ready to head down to the pavilion for the last dinner before people started heading home the next day, and Lukas was trying to find the words to ask John what would happen between them once they weren’t basically living together.
“You ready?” John asked, slipping his room key in his pocket and throwing Lukas a wink. They’d started locking the cabin door—though their group usually didn’t bother—when they’d realized how close they’d come that first morning to Lukas’s parents stumbling upon John’s dirty sheets and Lukas’s things on the floor next to the bed.
“Almost.” He took a couple of deep breaths and reminded himself that he knew John, that John wasn’t like other guys who’d gotten pissed when Lukas had tried to define things too early in the past. He walked over and stopped a foot away, snagging one of John’s belt loops and giving it a playful tug. “Can I ask you something before we go though?”
“You can ask me anything, baby. You know that.” John cupped Lukas’s face in one of his big palms and leaned down to press a kiss to his lips.
“I know. I just… We’re leaving in the morning, you know? And I wasn’t sure… How do you want to handle things when we’re back home?” He couldn’t help but bite his lip and hold his breath as he waited for John to respond.
John’s brows wrinkled a little as he studied Lukas’s face. “Things meaning… us? How do I want to handle us when we’re back home?”
Lukas nodded.
“I’d like to keep handling you as often as humanly possible, though I know our work schedules will make it a bit more difficult for me to grab a handful in the middle of the day.” John’s grin was one Lukas had become achingly familiar with—mischievous and lustful all in one. He reached back with his free hand and grabbed Lukas’s ass, pulling him forward until they were pressed together.
Lukas sucked in a breath, trying not to drown in how good it felt to be handled by John like that, and did his best to keep them on track. “I’d like that too. But… we still won’t be telling people, right? You aren’t ready for that?” He didn’t have the balls, apparently, to just say his parents, but he could tell by John’s grimace that John knew what he meant.
“I’m not. I know that puts you in a bad position, and if you want to stop—” He gestured between them. “—this, whatever this is, when we get back, I’d completely understand. I’m asking a lot from you, and it’s okay for you to say no.”
Lukas shook his head quickly, diving forward to lean his forehead against John’s chest. “I don’t want to say no. I just… I need to know that this is going somewhere. That once we get home, you won’t realize being with me isn’t worth the hassle of eventually telling everyone.” He tipped his head back, resting his chin between John’s pecs. “Because if that’s going to happen, I’d prefer to know now so we can make a clean break when we leave here.”
John shook his head as he sunk his fingers into Lukas’s hair and pulled his head away from him so he could lean down and slide their mouths together, stealing Lukas’s breath and his determination to finish the conversation with one clever flick of his tongue. Lukas let John support him, leaning into his larger body and letting him kiss the fuck out of him.
When John pulled back, Lukas groaned unhappily and lifted onto his toes to chase his mouth.
“You’ll never become a hassle, baby. I can’t promise forever at this point, but I can promise that I’d never just get tired of you or think you aren’t worth it.” John stared down at Lukas, his gaze sharp and a little intense. “If we