a stupid fucking crush on you.” His burst of anger drained away quickly. He couldn’t be mad at John. John hadn’t known what he was asking to hear, and Lukas should have kept his mouth shut. Shaking his head and swiping at his eyes, he moved around John. “So fucking stupid. I’m going home. Tell my parents—”
John’s firm grip on his upper arm jerked him to a stop, and then John pulled him back around, causing Lukas to stumble into him a little. For the second time in less than a minute, he had his hands pressed against John’s firm chest.
Panting, he raised his gaze from where he was gripping the soft fabric of his shirt to John’s clenched jaw and flared nostrils. He finally met John’s eyes and couldn’t interpret the emotions dwelling in their dark depths.
“John, just let me leave,” he whispered.
John’s head jerked back and forth, but his eyes stayed glued to Lukas, then dipped down to his lips. “I can’t. I can’t just let you walk out after that.”
“Why?” He told his traitorous heart to stop beating so hard, but his whole body was sparking with possibility. He pressed his fingers into John’s chest a little more and licked his lower lip.
John’s eyes followed his tongue. “I… I don’t know why. Lukas, you…”
Disappointment filled him when John didn’t say anything else, and the silence just stretched out between them. Finally, he felt like he had to say something to let John off the hook. “I’m not mad at you. I just need some time to get over these feelings. You don’t have to feel bad or anything.”
He tried to pull away from John’s hold, but his grip tightened on Lukas’s arm and his other hand came up to cup the back of Lukas’s head, a frustrated noise ripping from John’s chest.
Lukas’s breath froze in his lungs as he watched John lean forward so, so slowly, his gaze never leaving Lukas’s face and dropping repeatedly to his mouth.
“John,” he breathed out, feeling like he needed to say something, like John was under some sort of spell that Lukas needed to break so John wouldn’t do something he’d regret later.
“Lukas,” John said quietly, so close his breath brushed against Lukas’s damp mouth.
Lukas parted his lips to try and get more air into his lungs and let his eyes fall closed, his body singing with anticipation. He was about to kiss John. John was about to kiss him! Their lips were going to touch any second and—
“Lukas? John?” His dad’s voice was coming down the hall toward them, and John jerked back like he’d been struck. He stumbled away, eyes wide and full of… fear?
Lukas felt like he was going to be sick when he saw the terror on John’s face. He turned away from him but kept his back to the door, and John walked over to it jerkily, his movements so disoriented it was like his joints were full of cement.
He heard John step out into the hall and say something to his dad, and then both of their footsteps retreated down the hallway. Falling onto the bed, Lukas choked back a sob and pressed his face into the floral bedspread his mom had picked out for the guest room.
Whatever had just happened, it didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t, not when the sound of his dad’s voice had literally terrified John.
As he lay on the bed, sucking in breaths to try to stop himself from breaking down completely, he told himself it was better that John knew how he felt at least. Now John would steer clear, and Lukas could finally start to move on.
He just had to convince his heart first.
Chapter Five
Two weeks after he’d snuck out of his own parents’ house to avoid spending a whole meal staring across a table at John while his heart was broken, Lukas found himself driving north on Interstate 75 to meet his parents… and John… and all of his parents’ other friends and their families. Every year since Lukas was a kid, the group had gotten together for an annual vacation at a resort near Charlevoix.
This year, he was dreading having to pretend he was fine every time he saw his parents or John.
As an adult, he wasn’t technically required to go, but when he’d tried to get out of it, his mom had given him Hurt Mom Eyes and reminded him that he’d literally left family dinner without saying anything to anyone, and he’d caved.
The idea of