seeing John filled him with so many mixed feelings his head started to spin if he thought about it too much, but he couldn’t stand disappointing his mom again.
Since he hadn’t taken Friday off work, he was going to be one of the last to arrive, and would probably have to bunk with Greg Ashe, who was a terrible snorer. He was grateful that Kevin was keeping him company over the phone while he drove.
Well, sort of grateful.
“Babycakes, I gotta admit, I’m kinda glad you told John and saw how he reacted to your dad nearly catching you. Even if he did want to kiss you, the fact that he freaked says that anything that happened between you two would be doomed before it even got off the ground.”
“I know, but that half second of hope I had right before my dad came… It’s kind of messing with my head. My brain can’t stop thinking about what might have happened.” He took the exit for the resort, but he still had another fifteen miles until he’d arrive.
“You have been drooling over John Butler for years. You even date men similar to him, then dump them when they inevitably don’t live up to the real deal. This is for the best. Trust me.”
Lukas sucked in a breath and let it out slowly, trying not to get annoyed with Kevin’s dismissive tone. To be fair, Lukas had been talking about what had happened for two weeks straight. Kevin was probably sick of having the same conversation over and over. “I know.”
Kevin was silent for a moment. “Fuck. Are you mad? Was I being too blunt again?”
Laughing softly, Lukas said, “I’m not mad. You’re right, and I guess I’m just worried about how the next week will go. It’s going to be weird seeing him.”
“Well, I’m also a bitch,” he said, tone light. “My crabby ass is just jealous you’re going on vacation, and I won’t see you for a week.”
Lukas rolled his eyes and laughed. “It is for the best though. I finally know it wouldn’t have worked between us. It’s time I stop pretending otherwise or like I wasn’t completely hung up on him when I was.”
Kevin chuckled but quickly fell silent once more. “I’m sorry you got hurt though. I never want that.”
He took in a few shuddery breaths to regain his composure as he turned onto the road that would lead to the cabins. “I know. I love you too.”
“And I think you are brave as shit for just laying it all out there like that. Not a lot of people could have done that, babycakes. You hold your head up high when you see him.”
Lukas chuckled lightly as he saw the sign for the resort ahead. It was kind of rustic for a place that called itself a resort, but their group was able to rent out the whole place—all the individual cabins, access to a lake and hiking trails, and a communal area where there was a volleyball pit, tennis court, and pavilion with picnic tables. When Lukas was a kid, the week his family spent here were some of the best times of his childhood.
Now, he watched the people he’d grown up with bringing their own families and felt the pressure in his chest he got sometimes when he focused too long on how he’d kept his life on pause as a foolish part of him had waited for John to wake up and notice him. He’d told himself he wasn’t doing that, that he was dating and building a comfortable life for himself, but a part of him… A part of him had always held out hope.
It was ridiculous, and he needed to let it go. He was who he was, and John was who John was, and nothing would ever change that. It had hurt when he’d seen the look on John’s face when he thought they were about to be caught—like being with Lukas would be shameful or embarrassing—but he knew John couldn’t help how he felt any more than Lukas could.
He’d just have to figure out how to un-pause his love life, after he got through the next week.
“I think the worst part was how I’m pretty sure he really would have kissed me, but…” He paused as he turned onto the driveaway and drove through the open gates, seeing the main pavilion and parking lot just ahead. “There’s no way he’d ever choose me over my dad. I always knew that,