the pantry?”
Lukas chuckled even though he could feel his face heating up a little. He’d thought no one had noticed, but apparently, he wasn’t as smooth as he thought he was. “Yeah. I think she already felt guilty, but I told her anyway. I don’t know what she was thinking.” He made a face. “That’s not true. She told me she was thinking about how she wanted you to be happy.” He shrugged and looked away. “Apparently, she thinks Gina can do that or whatever.”
One of John’s large, callused hands reached over and tilted Lukas’s face back toward him. The simple touch left a wave of heat rolling through Lukas’s body, and he trembled as he pressed his lips together to stop himself from saying something he shouldn’t.
Something like, she could never make you as happy as I could. Because saying something like that would be insane and would ruin the tentative friendship he was building with John.
As he stared into John’s warm, brown eyes, he wondered how he would feel when John really did fall in love with someone else. He knew it would happen eventually because John was too amazing to stay single forever. As much as it killed Lukas to think about, he wanted John to be happy just as much as his mom did—if not more. He cared so much about John that imagining him alone and lonely for the rest of his life literally made his chest hurt.
But imagining John with another person made him feel like he was being stabbed in the heart, so he was fucked either way.
Licking his lips, he forced a smile. “We should go back down. I’m sure they’re wondering where we went.”
John’s gaze ran over Lukas’s face like he was trying to figure something out. He kept the fake smile up, trying to hide the heartbreak he was feeling just thinking about John falling in love with someone else.
“Why are you sad?” John murmured, taking another half step closer to Lukas.
Breath hitching, Lukas moved back. “I’m not. Don’t be silly.”
John’s eyes narrowed and he stepped forward again, forcing Lukas back until he felt the end of the bed behind him. “You are. And you’re lying to me. What’s going on?”
Lukas took a deep breath and tried to steady himself as he met John’s intense gaze. “You’re right, I am lying, but you don’t want to know the truth, so let’s just go back downstairs and pretend I’m fine and, eventually, I will be. We’re being very rude to Gina right now.”
Those thick brows lowered as John got that mulish expression that meant he was digging in about something instead of letting it go. “I don’t care about Gina; I care about you. And, of course, I want to know the truth. Did something happen?”
Lukas scrubbed at his face and choked on a humorless laugh. Fuck it. If John wanted to know so damn bad, he’d tell him. That would put an end to their dinners, which would probably be for the best. Instead of getting more hung up on the man, he could sever the connection, make a clean break, and start the process of getting over him.
“Nothing happened. I just don’t like watching you being hooked up with someone else right in front of me, okay? I hate the idea of you being happy with someone other than me, but I know that is exactly what will happen one day, so yes, I’m sad. But I’ll get over it, over you, if you just give me some space.” He was practically panting by the time he finished speaking and was only holding John’s eyes by force of will. Everything in him wanted to curl up and protect himself from the inevitable pain that was about to happen.
John’s mouth had dropped open a little bit, his gaze darting back and forth between Lukas’s eyes. He wasn’t sure what John was looking for, but he refused to shy away after laying his heart out on the line. John had pushed for an answer, so he’d gotten one, and now he had to deal with knowing that Lukas had feelings for him. He had no one to blame but himself.
John sucked in a breath. “You…”
Nothing else came out, and Lukas rolled his eyes even as the pieces of his heart began to fall to the floor between their feet. He ignored the tears gathering in his eyes and pushed John back with a quick shove to his chest.
“Yes, me. I have