been running into overdrive.”
She rubs my forearm with her hand. “I wanted to tell you, I know we were joking about the ‘little deaths’ thing last night. But that was not just sex.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
She brings her eyes to my lips. “I can’t stop thinking. Before last night, not like we didn’t have great sex or I wasn’t connected to you. But now, I feel so damn into you, Grant.”
“Oh yeah? Did I leave my Grant Stamp on you?”
She cracks up. “Yes, you Grant Stamped me. But seriously, I didn’t know I could have that much trust and pleasure with someone. You opened my eyes. I didn’t know what I didn’t know.”
“The more we know, the more we realize how little we know,” I say.
She smiles. “Always nice when Shaman Grant pops up. Is that a Shakespeare quote?”
“Actually, that’s Aristotle.”
“Oh, Grant.” She falls into my lap. Her eyes seem glossy, reflecting the sky. “I can’t believe we leave tomorrow already. What a trip. I met your family and everything. If we weren’t such established friends, I’d think that maybe we were more.”
“Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that,” I say.
“About what?”
“One of the things I kept thinking about last night.
She hesitates. “Oh?”
“But you first. What are you deep in thought about?”
She strokes my forearm while she talks. “I’ve always wanted to see what’s out there before I make the decision of who I want to be. When your little sister Michelle was asking me questions, I got to thinking. Why am I not just painting full time right now?”
“You could switch your major to straight up Visual Arts, and stop dancing around with just Art History.”
She shakes her head. “My dad will cut off the parental teat if I do that. And there’s just no way I can pay for school if that’s the case.”
“You’re sure about that?”
“One-hundred percent.”
“So, you don’t want to major in Art History any more at all?”
“My heart’s just not in it. I mean, I’m interested in Art History, don’t get me wrong, but I learned more from one visit with you to the museum than I did in a whole entire term of classes.”
“Study abroad in Italy was fun though.”
“Yes, but I’ve been there done that.”
“So, what are you thinking of doing?”
“I don’t know…I’ll probably go back to college anyway. What else can I do…drop out? But you’re right, I do feel reborn after yesterday. It’s like I’ve been awakened to all the possibilities of good things in the world.” She pauses. “What do you think I should do?”
I take a moment to consider her question. “Explain everything you just told me to your dad. Maybe he’ll be more understanding than you think.”
“Really?”
“I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? He tells you no?”
She chuckles. “If he tells me no, we’re uploading that video.”
I shoot her a dirty look. “Wow. You’re feeling that rebellious?”
“Maybe we could make some money. Plus, it’s not like the video shows our faces. And we’ll turn off the audio. Only you and me would ever know.”
“You’re serious?”
“No…” she raises an eyebrow. “Unless you are.”
“I’m not…”
We laugh it off awkwardly. She lies still in my lap and we go silent, the beauty of the sky in the distance taking over.
“So, what were you thinking about?” she asks.
I want to tell her, but my thoughts seem a little overblown now.
I pause and try to make sense of them. I want to ask her what are we now? No way we are only just friends, but this relationship feels so much different than anything I’ve ever felt. I can’t put my finger on it. Are we just two people who make one another feel grounded and have terrific sex? Does that make us friends, or something more?
“Maya, I’ve never felt more excited for life than I do now.” I clear my throat. “You were talking about how you felt after last night. Well, it’s changed me, too. Maybe we should, you know, be more than friends, officially.”
She doesn’t respond.
I brush her hair back from her face, and she’s sleeping, with an unbelievably peaceful expression on her face.
I’m not going to wake her. She’s had enough awakening for one cabin trip. I just stare out at the sky and wonder how Maya would paint it.
“Nevermind,” I whisper.
She’s got enough tumultuousness in her life right now, what with deciding her major and trying to pay for it. Maybe it’s better that we just let this thing play out and not have some