we’re both worried about you. I mean, you need to stay enrolled this term! I love being April’s roommate and all, but it’s not the same without you around campus. I mean don’t get me wrong, fall term with DJ was awesome, but…it’s good to just see him at night when we…well you know.” She giggles.
“Well, at least someone’s getting laid lately,” I sigh.
“You’re not?” Alex asks.
I shake my head. “It seems the badass, carefree version of me who was around fall term has taken some hits.”
April frowns, then says, toward me. “Did you come up with anything good on the brainstorm list? I feel like this money thing is a leading cause of stress for you. We want the old Maya back.”
I shake my head. “I shouldn’t even be eating in the café right now. I’m going to have the debt collectors a-knocking on my door. My credit is officially going to be ruined.”
Alex waves to Donnie, a new friend the girls have made over winter term. He was sort of the replacement me when I wasn’t on campus as much during winter term. You know, if I was a jolly bisexual man.
He sits down with his tray and lets out an unusually big breath. “Oof. Wow. What. A. Morning.”
We all stare a little bit. “Uh, what were you up to?” Alex asks him. “Your cheeks look red.”
He looks around, then shrugs. “I was masturbating. A lot. And it was awesome,” he says, singing the last word.
April turns just slightly red-faced. During fall term I’m pretty sure she would have fallen to the floor, but luckily, I’ve broken her in with my mature and open attitude toward sex.
“Do elaborate,” Alex says, waving her hand.
“Really? You want to hear about my Thursday afternoon masturbation session?”
“I’m always curious to hear these stories. What guys do when girls aren’t around?” April asks, and there’s a collective gasp from the table that April is inquiring about sex.
“What?! I am. That’s a legit question,” April clarifies.
“I just didn’t know that was something your virgin brain thought about,” Donnie quips with a grin.
April sighs. “I really need to do something about that, don’t I?”
Donnie takes a big sip of chocolate milk and then starts his story. “Well, if you really must know I’ll tell you. I found one of those cam sites—I like the ones with the couples, you know? And there’s this one couple I’m really into. I must have dropped, oh God, like a hundred-fifty dollars today? They’re just too sexy. I cannot deny them.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Alex says, holding her hand out. “You spent one-hundred-fifty dollars today? On porn?”
“Well, it’s not exactly porn,” he says. “It’s an amateur cam site. So, you know, I can rest assured that my bitcoins are going straight to the artists.”
“That’s what you call them? Artists?” April inserts.
“You know I’m sensing a lot of judgment coming from this side of the table right now,” Donnie says.
I shake my head, agreeing. “Let’s try to be a sex-positive table, you guys.”
“Thank you, Maya. I know I can count on you for that. Anyway, yes, there’s this one couple I like and, I don’t know, they’re just really hot when they have sex. In lieu of my most recent breakup, I watch them and imagine my partner and I are in as much love as they are.”
Just then, Grant walks into the dining room and swipes his dining card with the attendant to enter. His eyes find mine like heatseeking missiles in the thrust of battle locking onto their target.
I bring my gaze back to the table. “So, this couple, Donnie. You paid them like one-hundred-fifty today. How did you pay that?”
“You pay through the site in bitcoins. It goes right into their pocket, instantly.”
“Bitcoins. Interesting. And how many people are watching them at any given time, and paying?”
“Oh, that varies. Could be like twelve people, could be a few thousand. Just depends on the quality of the show, how hot they are, how in love they are…”
“I thought most porn is just ridiculous role-playing scenarios,” Alex cuts in. “Oh, hi, I’m your stepmother and I’d like to blow you even though we’re clearly the same age and the casting for this porn is godawful.”
We all die laughing.
“You know, some porn is like that, I guess,” Donnie says. “But I kind of like the cam ones where the couples really like—dare I say love—each other. I mean, I think they do. Well, at least I hope they do. On this