room soon. “What’s gotten into you?”
Hannah sighs and runs a hand through her hair. “Okay, guys, I tried!” she shouts to no one. Or at least, I think it’s no one, until Nathan and Meleika come down the hallway.
“You call that trying?” I hear Meleika mutter.
“What are you two doing here?” I ask.
“Well, you’ve been so down lately,” Meleika says. “So we figured we’d kidnap you and take you to senior night!”
“No, thanks,” I say.
“You mean I brought this pillowcase for nothing?” Nathan eyes the thing balled up in his hands.
“I thought it might be a good idea for you to get out.” Hannah sits back on the edge of the bed. “Go have fun, be a kid for one more night.”
“Yeah, no.” I roll over on my side.
“Come on!” Nathan hops on the end of the bed. “It’ll be fun.”
“There’s bowling.” Meleika says this like it adds some kind of incentive for me to get out of bed. “And skating.” Strike two. “And everyone’s going to be there.” Strike three.
“Okay, I’m going to talk to Ben, y’all wait downstairs.” Hannah shoos them both out of my room, closing the door behind them.
“I’m not going,” I say again.
“I heard you.”
“Good.” I’ll apologize to everyone on Monday or something.
“Ben …” Hannah huffs. “I know this hasn’t been the easiest time for you.”
Understatement of the freaking year. “Yeah, and right now I just want to be alone. Okay?”
“You’ve been alone for the last month, Ben.” A month? I guess it has been that long. “You’ve hardly talked to me, or Thomas. Nathan said you’ve been unresponsive at school. And the second you get home you crawl into bed. I know you’re feeling a lot of things, with Mom and Dad and—”
“I’m allowed to feel sad about this, Hannah.” I’m trying not to be frustrated with her, but everything she says sounds terribly close to her telling me just to get over all this even if she doesn’t mean for it to.
“I didn’t say that you shouldn’t feel sad. I’m just saying you need to prove them wrong.” Her words echo for a bit, settling in my ears. “Be sad, hell, sit in bed all weekend and just watch Netflix. I’ve had those times too. But don’t stop living your life for them.” I feel her drop back down onto the bed. “I know it’s hard, and I know that you need help, but you’ve got some amazing friends who are there for you, and amazing opportunities. And an amazing sister, if I can toot my own horn. But you can’t let them control you like this, Ben.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“No, it isn’t.” She sighs. “There are still days I feel like they’re right behind me, waiting. I’m always sort of scared it’ll never go away.”
I try my best not to breathe, not to move a muscle.
“Because even when I finally got out of that goddamn house they still had a hold on me. And it’s breaking my heart to see you going through the same thing, Ben.”
“I …”
“I want you to have a good life. I don’t want you to waste years trying to forget about them like I did. You’ve got this amazing support system of people who care about you. I mean, when I moved out I hardly had anyone. People I’d talked to in Goldsboro maybe once or twice. I’m actually jealous of your friends, if I’m being honest. They seem pretty awesome.”
I let myself smile. “They are.”
“I know … I know none of this has been easy. But I think you owe it to yourself. Lying in bed, you’ve got nothing but time to sit here and think about every little thing they did.”
“I don’t think you really know what’s going on, Hannah.”
“I don’t,” she says. “Not really. Only you can know that.” She sighs. “But I was in a similar spot when I finally got out from underneath them.”
“And what helped you get out of it?” I ask.
“Putting myself out there. Making friends, doing things. It kept me from thinking about them all the time.”
I let her words sink in. And I know she’s right. I can’t just sit in this bed for the rest of my life. But right now, it’s all I seem capable of. The universe has crashed down around me and all I can do is lie in the aftermath.
Maybe I’m being dramatic.
And maybe I’m not. I don’t know.
But what I do know is that Hannah’s right. And I think it’s time