swallow hard. “That I’m nonbinary.”
“Right.” He shakes his head quickly. “That’s what I figured. I mean, not at the time. But you know, now I can see that. So that’s why I wanted to tell you mine.”
He’s so flustered, and it’s so cute. “You know you don’t have to.”
“I know.” He looks at me, his lips spreading. “I want to.” Nathan takes my hand, running his thumb over the skin. “I’ve been really scared to tell you this, but since you trusted me, I’m going to trust you. Okay?”
I nod. “Okay.”
“Okay,” he says again, and he breathes in and out. “For a while, I’ve sort of been thinking about the way I feel about you.” Then he starts shaking his head. “God, I really should’ve written this all down.”
“It’s all right. Take your time.” I can feel his pulse getting faster.
“I knew I should’ve just copied Mr. Darcy’s speech.” Nathan breathes. “I, um … I’ve been trying to find out a way to tell you how I feel. For months now, really.”
Months?
“And I know I picked the greatest time, since I’m going to be moving across the country in a few weeks, but I figured that if we could have three months, it’d be better than nothing, right?”
“Nathan, I—”
“I really like you, Ben. I really, really, really like you,” he finally says, and I can almost see his shoulders relax. “I’d use the other L-word, but if I’m being a hundred percent honest, it scares the absolute shit out of me.” He takes a deep breath. “And I’ve spent months trying to figure out how I could tell you without scaring you away, or making you hate me, but yeah.”
“Nathan.” I can’t even think of anything to tell him. Because I still can’t believe this is happening. I just stare at him, at how goddamn beautiful he is. With that bright smile, and those brown eyes, and his deep brown skin, and those freckles that are so unfair I can’t stand it. I never want to do anything but stare at him.
“If you could say something besides my name, I’d really appreciate it.” He lets out this exasperated laugh. “At least a ‘fuck off’ or something.”
“I, um …” I try not to giggle too much. It actually feels like I’m high on happiness right now. Is there even such a thing? “I really like you too,” I say. “More than like, in fact.”
“Really?” His voice strains a little.
“Really. I have for a while, actually.”
His smile falters for a split second. “You have?”
“Yeah.”
“Since when?”
I don’t even have to think about it; I’ve known the answer for so long. “That night, here, after the party.”
“I’ve been torturing you with my good looks for that long, huh?”
I shake my head. “You have no idea.”
“I … I want to kiss you,” he tells me. “Can I do that?”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
He leans in, and well, it’s sort of terrible. Our lips meet, but we move too fast and bump noses, and Nathan catches my bottom lip. It’s rushed and wet, and really messy. But the good kind of messy.
There are no fireworks. Time doesn’t stop. And I don’t mind; I don’t think he does either. Because this has been in the making for so long. And like he said, if we have three months of this, I’d rather spend those three months practicing this with him.
“That was sort of bad,” he says.
“I’m kind of new at this.” I rest my forehead against his. “You want to try again?”
He nods. The second kiss is better. I move my arms so they drape off his shoulders, and both of his hands are on my back now, pushing us as close as possible. Then he grabs me by the collar of my shirt and we slowly fall back on the pillows, the music echoing through the night. God, I can feel the way his body is moving underneath his shirt, and it’s pure magic.
This boy is such a work of art.
“That one was better,” I say when I pull away, trying to catch my breath.
“Much better.”
“They say that the third time’s the charm.” I reach up again and feel his lips against mine. He tangles his fingers in my hair, and we sit there. I don’t know for how long, and I don’t care. Because right now the world is so quiet and so peaceful that it might as well be just the two of us here alone, the only company we have with each other. I don’t