pulls at the hem of my shirt.
“Is this some elaborate plan to get me to take my shirt off?” Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve both been shirtless around each other. Won’t be last. At least, I hope it won’t be.
“Come on. It’s a science.”
“Okay, you’ll have to explain that one.”
“Your shirt gets all wet and you’re uncomfortable for the rest of the day because you’ve got this gross heavy thing weighing you down.”
“Yes, all science.” I slip my arms through the gaping holes of my tank top and leave it on the towel next to Meleika and Sophie. They both already look like they’re asleep in their chairs, but the sunglasses make it hard to guess.
“Have fun.” Sophie waves at us. “Don’t cut yourself on a seashell.”
“I regret telling you that,” I say before Nathan drags me down the sand and toward the water.
We wade around for a few minutes before I’m ready to sit back on dry land, but I tolerate it, at least for Nathan. I can do that for him. But eventually he gets tired too, and we head back to our spot, the sand sticking to the bottoms of my feet. It’s terrible. But for once I don’t mind.
The beach starts clearing out after a while, the sun slowly setting until it’s this huge ball in the sky. That’s when Meleika and Sophie decide to head into the water, never going more than thigh deep.
“Hey.” Nathan’s hands wrap around mine. He’s sitting behind me, his legs stretched out around me, his stomach pressed to my back, so his chin can rest on my shoulder.
“Hey.” I squeeze. I really can’t believe I’m this lucky.
“You look like you’re thinking about something.” Nathan pulls on the hair tie and the curls fall to my shoulder, his fingers threading through them to try and untangle them. Good luck.
I try to laugh. “Am I Ben-ing again?”
“A little bit.”
“Just nervous,” I say. “Just Mariam, and Hannah, and moving, and I don’t … I don’t know.” There are actually a thousand different things to worry about. The things I am going to take to California, finding another psychiatrist as amazing as Dr. Taylor, worrying about Meleika and Sophie and hoping our friendship will survive two of us moving across the country.
Over the last three months, Mariam and I worked from the second we both woke up to when we both passed out in front of our webcams on ideas and things we could do. Mariam wants me to join their channel, to speak with them at conferences and events.
To build something that could continue to help kids who are like us.
It’d taken a lot for me to say yes, mostly because I didn’t feel like I deserved it. My track record with talking about my identity wasn’t the best. But I had Nathan there with me.
Eventually I worked up the courage to start going to the group therapy sessions. It was difficult at first, but I got used to that. Especially with Nathan there beside me. And, with his help, I was able to come out to Sophie and Meleika. They both had a few questions, but they seemed to understand and apologized for the months of accidental misgendering.
I thought about making a big Facebook post or something, but I decided against it. Just didn’t seem right.
“You’re going to do great, I know it,” Nathan tells me, and I feel his skin against mine and the way he’s relaxed against me. And for the first time in a while, it really does feel like things may be okay.
“What about Hannah?”
“It feels like we sort of just fixed things. And now I’m the one leaving her.” It hadn’t dawned on me until I told Hannah and Thomas about the project. But I’d be moving across the country.
They were both happy, but I could see the look on Hannah’s face, that split second before she was congratulating me. “I’m a terrible sibling.”
“Except you aren’t,” Nathan says.
“But I—”
“Hush, hush, hush,” he whispers in my ear. “Just hush. This isn’t the same kind of situation, you both know that.”
I sigh, tucking my knees close to my chest. “You don’t think she hates me?”
“I think it’d take a lot for her to hate you.”
“You promise?”
He nods. “You know as well as she does that this isn’t the same situation. You’ll be talking to each other every day. You both actually have cell phones now, and you can FaceTime. Believe me, Ben, she doesn’t resent you for moving.”
“It