Taylor has me trying is making me drowsy, which wouldn’t be so bad at night, but the last few days it’s been hitting me right in the afternoon.
“What are you trying to do?” Mrs. Liu asks.
“At this point, anything.”
“Honestly, I think you could quit now, just not do anything. I’d still probably pass you.” She chuckles. “Have you tried painting something real?”
“That’s what I’m doing.”
“Okay, but like, something you know. Take from your life, Ben.”
“What do you mean?”
“When I’m stuck, I take a photo off my phone, one that I’ve taken myself, and just start drawing that. It usually gets my creative flow going. Sometimes art needs an instruction booklet.”
“I wish it came with one sometimes,” I mutter.
“Hey!” Mrs. Liu shouts at one of the freshmen in the other classroom. “Put that back down. Heathens.” She whispers that last part under her breath. “Just try it. Not some photo you got online, but something you really know.”
Maybe that’s not such a bad idea though. I take out my phone and flip through the hundreds of reference photos I’ve saved. I probably need to delete some of these soon. There’s no way I’ll need them. But what if I do?
Then I get to this string of Nathan’s selfies, then more photos, then Nathan selfies, then photos. It’s this weird back-and-forth because every few weeks, the boy has the urge to steal my phone and take a dozen selfies. Most of them are of me and him, me trying to grab my phone. There are a few of him and Meleika, or him and Sophie too, or ones of me taken secretly, with his head barely in the frame while he takes a picture of me.
But most are just of him. I zoom in on the picture and stare at it. He would be a good model.
He doesn’t have to know, right? I’ve already drawn him once before.
I sketch out the shape of his face, the angles of his cheeks and his chin, the shape of his eyes, the way his mouth is curving upward. I sort of have to combine the photos to get the right angle, but I can make it work. I don’t even know where to begin with the painting though. I want to do something different.
My eye catches the drip painting on the wall, the controlled messiness of it, all the colors mixing together. I still want Nathan to be a part of this, but I don’t want it to be some hyperrealistic re-creation. I could try this monochromatic technique I saw online.
When I think of Nathan, I think of warmth. Of reds, and oranges. But most of all, I think of yellow. That just seems like such a Nathan-y color. Happiness, joy, his optimism, that smile.
I make my sketch purposefully rough, adding to the sharpness of Nathan’s face. It doesn’t take me longer than a few minutes. This is the outline, the skeleton. Details come later. It takes me a few tries to find the yellow I want to use for the majority of his face, but eventually I do.
And I find a rhythm, painting in broad strokes, switching between different-size brushes to get in the finer details. There’s only so much I can shove into the forty-five minutes I have left, but when the bell rings, it feels like that list has only gotten longer.
“Fuck.” I look around for Mrs. Liu. I can’t stop now.
“Find your muse?” She walks to the back room, holding a stack of pallets decorated with watercolor paints.
“Mmh” is all I can say. I’m too distracted.
“Oh, wow, Ben.” I don’t know if she means the mess or the painting.
“Sorry, got into it. I’ll clean up.”
“No, no, no.” She puts a hand on my shoulder. “Keep going. I love it.”
“Really??”
“It’s fantastic. I’ll call Thomas, let him know you’re working.”
“You don’t mind me staying?”
“Pssh, I’ve got assignments to grade anyway, so I’ll be here for a while.”
“You don’t think it’s … like …” I stammer. “Creepy to paint him, do you?”
She cackles. “I don’t think Nathan’s ego is so fragile. But I’d definitely let him know.” Then she pauses. “I do want to ask, why him?”
I shrug. “He stole my phone and took a bunch of selfies.” I show her the screen.
“An odd form of payback if I’ve ever seen one, but hey. You do you, kid.” Mrs. Liu pats me on the shoulder. “I did want to talk to you about something.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, every year I do a student art show here at