and Bowie went down the stairs and to his truck.
I waited until he drove away, then raised my hand to knock. The door pulled open before I had the chance, and Kell was there. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, mine enclosing around his waist. I relaxed into him and let out a heavy breath. I’d needed this. I needed Kell. The way he hugged me told me everything was going to be okay.
“I love you. I’m sorry I haven’t made sure you know that since all this went down,” Kellan said close to my ear.
“Hey, I know. I love you too, babe. I never doubted that.” And I hadn’t, not really. Sure, things had been different, but Kellan and I were brothers for life.
There were still important things we had to discuss, though, things I should have told him a long time ago.
He nodded and let me go. The two of us went to the couch and sat down. Kell pulled his legs up, feet on the cushion and arms around his legs.
“I have to talk to you about a few things.”
“No.” He shook his head. “You don’t. If you want to, I’m here, but you don’t have to.”
“I want to.” Doug deserved that. He deserved to be talked about, for his story to go on.
“Then I want to hear.”
Kellan sat quietly as I told him about my first best friend, about the first boy I’d ever loved. He cried as I spoke but didn’t interrupt. He let me get it all out before he said, “Good God, Josh. I can’t believe you’ve been holding that in all this time.”
“It’s not personal. I hope you don’t think that’s why I didn’t tell you. I just… I couldn’t.”
“But you told Griffin?”
“Yeah, I did.”
Kellan smiled. “Good. That’s good. I’m glad you had him.”
I was lucky to have him. The Caines were really something special.
“I know you, and I know how you take responsibility for those you love—kind of like my brother, if I’m being honest. It’s not your fault; what happened with Doug isn’t your fault. You know that, don’t you?”
I hadn’t. Not for a long time, but that was changing. It had already changed, or at least I was getting there. “I know that now. I made a promise to him, didn’t think I deserved to move on, but Griff…man, there was no denying that. He’s it for me, Kell. He makes me… It’s like everything is settled inside me when I’m with him, and I didn’t even know it was chaos in there before Griff. But it was, and he settles it.”
“That’s how I’ve always felt about Chase. It’s scary as fuck, but also the most incredible thing, right?”
I chuckled. “No shit.”
“I’m sorry…I know I’ve been weird lately. I don’t know why this hit me the way it did. I just…”
“You love your brother.”
“Yeah, but I love you too.”
“I know, babe.”
I kissed the top of his head, and Kellan nuzzled against my side. “I can’t believe you’re boning my brother. Now we can’t ever talk about sex again.”
I laughed because it was so damn Kellan. He was crazy. It had always been my favorite thing about him. “Shit, man, there’d be a lot to tell too. He’s fucking—”
“No!” Kellan plugged his fingers in his ears. “Lalalalalala!” he said loudly.
“Just remember that when you talk about you and Chase. That’s how Griff has felt this whole time.”
“Oh my God. That’s going to be us now, isn’t it? You’re going to be on his side, and I can’t even be mad because you’re in love with my brother. Dude, this is so fucking cool. I can’t believe you’re in love with my brother. You know, I think all of you guys need to thank me.”
I frowned. “Do you now? And what would we be thanking you for?”
“Falling in love with Chase…see, I think that’s what started us on this streak. Once Chase and I did it, the rest of you were bound to fall afterward, and now we’re all happy and in love and…”
Changing. We were all changing. But some things, our friendships, would always be the same.
“But you fell in love with Chase when you were a kid, so that doesn’t make sense.”
“Shut up, Josh. You’re stealing my glory. What kind of best friend are you?” he teased, and we both laughed again.
We sat there talking for a couple of hours, caught up in ways we hadn’t in a while. Eventually, I told him, “As fun