my fucked-up night in the hotel room with a Josh lookalike. “Aren’t I supposed to be the one offering to talk to you about things? I’m the big brother.”
“Nope. Absolutely not. We’re equal-opportunity brothers, and I’m a big kid now.” It shouldn’t have, but his words gave me a pang in my chest. Kellan really didn’t need me anymore. Maybe he never had. Where did that leave me?
“You’re right. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel otherwise.”
“You didn’t, Griff. God, you’re so damn hard on yourself, and you don’t even see it. You don’t have to take care of the world. Let someone take care of you sometimes.”
I played with a straw wrapper, unable to look at him. He was right. I knew he was, but I didn’t know if I could change it.
“I want you to be happy. Are you happy, brother?” he asked, and I sucked in a sharp breath. Was I happy? That shouldn’t be such a hard question to answer.
“As I’ve ever been, I guess.” Except now I was more lonely.
“I want more for you.”
I thought maybe I wanted more for me too, I just didn’t know what or how to get it.
“Do me a favor, would you?” When I nodded, Kellan continued. “Keep your options open. Don’t limit yourself in any way. You’ve got the biggest heart of anyone I know. Follow it and let it put you first, not other people, okay?”
I considered talking to him about that night in the hotel room all those months ago. Not about that guy looking like Josh, of course, but just that I’d wanted…something, and that hadn’t been it. It felt weird, though, so I didn’t. “Whatever you say, kid. And hell, I can’t call you that. You’re going to be a dad soon. That’s freaky as fuck.”
“Right? I’m happy, Griff. I never saw this for myself. I never thought my dreams would come true, but I’m so damn happy.”
I nodded, my chest feeling full. “I know you are. And I’m happy for you. No one deserves it more than you.”
“I can think of one person.”
“I’m fine, Kell.” I was. I had no reason not to be.
“Whatever you say. So tell me about this trip with my bestie? Wait. What are you doing with the bar? This is so unlike you!”
“I talked to Miguel. He’s going to take care of things for me.”
“Holy shit. I can’t believe you’re leaving your bar. This is crazy. You must trust him. Also, Nat wants his dick, by the way. I know she wouldn’t mind me telling you that.”
“No shit? Josh said he thought Miguel was into her too.”
“Ooh! What if they fell in love? Nat needs someone so badly. Of course, he would also need to accept the fact that Nat is gonna be my baby oven. If he can deal with that, I hope they get together. I want everyone to be as happy as I am.”
I laughed, but then a pair of familiar gray eyes popped into my head, and a familiar pair of laughing lips…
I damn near fell off the chair. Josh had no business in my head when I was thinking about happiness and falling for someone. It was the craziest motherfucking thing that could ever possibly make its way into my brain, was what it was.
I wasn’t starting to feel…interested in Josh. I couldn’t be. And even if I was, which I wasn’t, there was no way he’d feel the same. We weren’t anything close to a match for each other.
Josh was gay.
I’d always considered myself straight, but what the hell did I know? I’d never really been into anyone at all.
Josh loved sex.
I mentally tolerated it while my body went through the motions.
I didn’t know how those things could fit together. Not that I wanted to fit together with Josh or was really thinking about this seriously. My thoughts had just been all over the place lately because I was feeling lonely and left out.
That was all it was.
It had to be.
CHAPTER FIVE
Josh
“You ever been to Lake Lure?” I asked Griffin as I sat in the passenger seat of his truck. We’d figured that would be a better vehicle to take than my Mustang. Well, he had, and I agreed. I thought it made him feel in control or something. Griffin needed that, I was pretty sure.
We’d been driving for close to an hour now and hadn’t talked much.
“No, I haven’t. We used to do some traveling with our parents when we were