because there had been pictures of his abs, back, and ass all over his profile. He liked to work out. Exercise was one of his favorite hobbies, and he played on a gay men’s volleyball team. “You okay?” His brow furrowed. Shit. I hadn’t replied.
“Sorry. My head’s a little…distracted. Come in.”
It wasn’t until he entered the room that I realized I hadn’t returned his compliment. Still, I just closed the door behind him.
“Jesus, I can’t wait to see what you’re packin’.” He reached out and cupped my crotch. On my search, I’d specifically looked for a bottom, assuming that if I was going to be into sex with a guy, I’d be a top.
“I… Thanks,” I replied, because what did a guy say when someone grabbed their dick? This was what I’d asked him to come here for. The whole point. I’d made sure he knew it—sex, no names, leave.
He chuckled. “This is going to be fun. I’ve never had sex with a guy who’s never been with a man before. Let’s get these off you, sexy.”
He looked at me, I nodded, and…wait…he sort of looked familiar.
I shoved that thought away as he bent down. I’d already taken off my shoes, so he worked the button and zipper of my jeans before tugging them down my thighs. “Oh yeah, I’m definitely going to like playing with you. Look at this bulge.”
He cupped me through my boxer briefs, and while I could appreciate the compliment—I knew I wasn’t lacking in the size department—I still wasn’t feeling anything moving around down there. There was no true lust, no true desire, but if he played with me, I knew I’d get hard simply because of biology.
“Never had any complaints,” I finally managed to say, and the guy laughed at me again.
He got my pants off and then went for my underwear, but my hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. “Wait. Can we kiss first?”
Christ, as soon as I’d said the words, I wanted them back. Can we kiss first? I sounded like a scared virgin and, well, I was a little nervous and I’d never been with a guy, so I guessed that was exactly what I was.
I helped him to his feet. When he told me to take off my shirt, I did. We went over to the bed and sat down. He held the back of my head and leaned in, pressed his lips to mine, and it felt…okay. Like a kiss. Like kisses always felt—lips and tongues and spit.
When he rubbed my cock and kissed me, I started to ache and my dick went hard because, again, biology. But something didn’t feel right. This was off. My body could react, but my insides weren’t getting into it—my thoughts and my brain and my need. Why should I have sex with a random guy to prove I could? Was it really going to change anything? It might make me realize I want men and not women.
My brain kept going, repeating that thought over and over. That I could be gay and this would tell me, but I wasn’t sitting here craving his ass. My dick was interested, but mentally, I didn’t want to have sex with a random stranger at all. That just wasn’t me.
I wanted to have sex with someone I liked. Someone I cared about. Someone who meant something to me.
He pulled away, sighing. “You’re definitely not into this, gorgeous.” He was right. I’d even lost my erection because my head had been such a mess. “As hot as you are, I don’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with me.”
“Shit.” I rubbed a hand over my face. “I’m sorry. This wasn’t very fair to you.”
He shrugged. “Eh, it is what it is.” Then he gave me a grin that again seemed familiar. “It’s still an early night, and there’s an app full of horny men out there.”
He said his goodbyes, but I couldn’t really find it in myself to reply. I just sat there staring until the door closed behind him.
It finally struck me why he looked familiar, who he looked like. Apparently, I’d spent hours browsing a hookup app and chosen a man who looked a whole hell of a lot like Josh Westbrook.
Fall
The music was thumping so loud, my heart shook. The bar was packed, men dancing everywhere I looked. I still couldn’t believe I was there. Fucking Josh. I didn’t know why he was able to talk me