now as part of your job, you will have to sell.” And just in case we aren’t paying attention, he reiterates, “Sales is part of your job. I cannot overstate this enough. Don’t just take what I’m saying with a grain of salt, take it with the whole shaker!” he bellows frenetically, causing his entire fragile frame to quiver.
You can hear the low groans and moans sweeping through the class, an infinite tide of dissent the size of a tsunami wave.
Glenn has just given way to infamy.
Unperturbed, he forges on, raising his voice ten decibels so as to be heard over the mounting uproar. “Now, before you offer a product or service, you must always use the TSR script. It stands for Telemarketing Sales Rule.” Glenn pauses for effect. “The TSR script is a FTC regulation. Essentially, you are asking the caller’s permission to sell to them.” He stops and surveys the room. “Any questions?”
No one gives him eye contact.
There is a unanimous shaking of heads. My incensed classmates resemble an ugly mob that’s gearing up to crucify Glenn.
Tank, an ex UFC fighter, lets out a guttural, ominous growl. Siaosi, the five-hundred pound Samoan slash Sumo wrestler, sits very still with a hungry stare on his face, as though he’d like to roast Glenn on a spit. It’s just my trite observation, but I’m pretty sure I’m spot on.
Glenn, feeling the heat and hate vibes emanating from the class, clasps his hands together in prayer. “Class, settle down and pay attention. Listen, this is the TSR script that you are required to say in the course of every call: If I see a product or a service that may be beneficial to you, is it okay if I mention it later on? If the caller says NO, then do NOT attempt to sell. But if the caller says YES, then it is your green light to pitch your sales offer and SELL, SELL, SELL!” His chest heaves and his eyes assume a sort of feral look.
There’s something unnerving and unsettling about Glenn as I watch the wildness, the madness in his eyes...almost like he’s possessed. Sweet, docile Glenn has morphed into someone I hardly even recognize. It’s as if aliens have invaded his mind, body and soul.
This, I think cynically, trying to still my rising panic, is not good. Sales is not my forte. It makes me feel uneasy and queasy, grimy and greasy, like I’m coated with ‘Car Salesman Slime.’
Over the next several agonizing hours, I learn all about the rainbow of products offered by Lightning Speed. Products that enhance our callers’ lives (Riiiight, Surrrre), help them save time and money, and make their lives that much better.
Narrowing my eyes at Glenn, I remain skeptical.
It all sounds rosy posy, but it stinks to high heavens.
Um, wasn’t this whole economic collapse caused in part by greedy businesses? By banks and credit card companies that gave out loans, mortgages and credit to folks who could not afford it?
Sell to help enhance the customers’ lives?
Pssh! More like sell to enhance the deep pockets of the CEOs, the big fat cats and their shareholders. All they care about are BIG dollar signs to line their already stuffed pockets. They don’t give a rat’s ass about the customers.
You can sugarcoat sales just like you can dress up baloney and call it prosciutto. But you know what? It’s still baloney.
I grit my teeth, as Glenn is far from finished with his sales lecture. Next on his agenda is ‘bundling’.
Lightning Speed Communications has a binding contract with Skylight Network, a satellite TV company, and somehow we have to convince our callers to include their Skylight services on their DSL and cell phone bills. And, we have to promote (force it down their throats) Skylight Network if the callers are not subscribers.
Profiling plays a big role in this sales farce. We’re expected to do some digging around; if the caller is a DSL subscriber and his cell phone is serviced through our competitor, then we must push him our cell phone service.
“Anyone have any questions or concerns?” Glenn asks with slight apprehension.
Karsynn’s hand flies up in the air.
He darts her a nervous glance. “Yes, Karsynn?”
“Um, why do we have to sell? Shouldn’t that be the job of the marketing department? We are customer service agents; we are NOT sales agents,” she huffs and crosses her arms.
“Yeaaaahhh! Um-hmmmm!” Everyone echoes her sentiments.
Glenn responds like a preprogrammed robot, “Selling is still part of your job.”
Tentatively, I raise my hand.