Bisexuals and Transgenders.”
I’m a bit surprised that Linda doesn’t know the lingo. It should be common parlance for someone who works in HR.
Kars says plaintively, “Yes. So as you can see, Linda, we love everyone. We’re cultured and diverse people. We’re innocent and this is a simple open and shut case. And, um...the prosecution rests their case.” She paces up and down the room as if she was a top notch attorney at law.
Linda blinks.
“And that email is not even racist,” I add. “Even Truong found it funny, and he’s the one who sent it to me.”
Linda jams her bifocals up her nose, only to have them slip back down. “Now that’s entirely different,” she says with a petulant twist of her lips. “Truong is Chinese, so it is entirely okay for a Chinese person to be tickled by a joke about Chinese people. But what you girls did is politically incorrect,” she says severely.
Hello. I’m the one who is part Chinese; Truong is Vietnamese, not Chinese. But I’m not a narc, so I don’t reveal this. Plus, if I get Truong in trouble, I’m sure the sushi rolls and Starbucks fraps will be a thing of the past.
Linda flicks off her bifocals in a dramatic fashion and leans back in her Herman Miller Aeron chair. “Let me give you girls an example. Now myself, being a Caucasian, I would never ever call an African American a nigger. However, it’s entirely okay for an African American to call himself one.”
Kars and I exchange horror filled glances, then we stare at Linda in alarm. “But you—you just said the N word.”
Linda says patiently, “I was merely giving an example.”
Now it’s our turn to glare at Linda disapprovingly. “It doesn’t matter,” I retort, filled with righteous indignation. “You’re white! You’re never ever allowed to use that word.”
“Yeah!” quips Kars judiciously. “Not even in an example. That word is off-limits! It should be wiped from your vocabulary. And the fact that you used it—it’s racist,” she hisses impudently.
Linda raises her eyes heavenward.
YAY! Hip Hip Hoooray! We have not only been exonerated, but we’re also off the phones for two hours! Kars and I, and Linda from HR, are in Diversity-Sensitivity training. The three of us are sitting in the Lightning 7 conference room, watching sensitivity exercises on the tube.
In the first scene, a Hispanic woman is on the phone and she’s talking to some guy named Jesus (she pronounces it Hey-Soose). After hanging up, she informs a white guy that Jesus needs some supplies at the work site. Apparently, Jesus can’t seem to get the job done without those supplies. To which the white guy replies, “What’s the matter with Jesus? (he pronounces it Geez-Sus) Jesus can’t make tacos and burritos without his supplies, so he’s taking an afternoon siesta?”
Oh dear God. This is so racist! I find myself cringing at all the clichéd racist rhetoric; but at the same time, it’s like watching an episode of The Office with Steve Carell, only in this case, the acting is horrendous and there appears to be a haze tinting the picture reminiscent of B rated movies.
Although I’m trying so hard to suppress my laughter, a loud snort escapes me.
Linda shoots me a quelling look.
“I have Hispanic blood in me. I swear,” I cry defensively.
And I do. My dad’s great granny is part Mexican; so since I am part Latina, that makes it okay. I am allowed to be tickled by a racist Mexican joke, at least by Linda’s accounts.
Slightly vexed, Linda shakes her head.
In the next scene, a guy is watching his co-worker (a curvy woman) devour a Snickers bar. The woman makes an offhanded comment about how she shouldn’t be eating chocolate, since it is so fattening.
To which the guy responds, “As long as your fat stays in the right places, all the men will still be chasing you.”
Kars whispers in my ear, “Bob actually said that to me.”
“What?” I balk. “He is such a douchelord! A deity among douches!”
Linda glares at us, clearly annoyed. “Sssshhhh.” Obviously, she’s taking this training way too seriously.
Two hours later, the Diversity-Sensitivity training is over.
Dammit! Now we have to hop back on the phones.
Before we step out, Linda halts us. “Now, if you’re working on Christmas, please do not wish the callers Merry Christmas; instead, say Happy Holidays, okay?”
“Okay,” we say brightly, wide-eyed with innocence.
Linda chides, “Girls, remember! Be mindful! We live in a multicultural country. So you don’t want to offend the Jews, the Muslims, the