Karsynn, reporting for duty,” she pipes in chirpily.
“And we’re on your team,” we say in unison. Then we eye each other, struggling to keep a straight face.
Hillary doesn’t look the least bit amused. She rises ceremoniously to her feet. Fully erect, she towers over us. Oh God. She must be over eight feet tall.
Kars and I cower in the corner as the giant looms over us.
Hillary immediately fires out her commands, “Make sure you come into work at least fifteen minutes early so you have time to boot up your computer and log in to all of your apps. I expect you to be on the phones taking calls at twelve sharp! That is when your shift starts and that is precisely when I expect you take calls! And I expect you to be ready to take calls at ALL times, so don’t even think of touching the Not Ready key,” she says acidly. “And I expect you to obey my orders, so don’t even think of questioning me. If I say ‘Jump’, you say ‘How High!’ ”
Each time Hillary spits the word ‘expect,’ her saliva sprays onto our cheeks. Gosh. Her mouth is an industrial humidifier, vaporizing the air around us. I need some Vicks Vapor-rub.
“Understood?” she roars, striking fear into our hearts.
We bob our heads up and down.
Her lips curl into a sadistic smile and I quickly plaster a smile on my face, stretching it as tightly as a bungee cord that’s about ready to snap.
Hillary’s nostrils flare with annoyance. “You are dismissed!” She swivels back to face her monitor.
Kars and I exchange a look of alarm, wearing identical raised eyebrows. After collecting ourselves, we slink back to our cells.
Jeez. We haven’t even started our shifts, and already she’s made us feel like convicted felons facing death row.
Ingeborg, already seated in Cell Block D, waves at us and demurely slides on her headset. On anyone else, it looks like a plain metal band. On Ingeborg, it sparkles and shimmers like a diamond encrusted tiara. But tiara or not, once that headset is on, you’re chained to your desk.
“What’s her problem?” mutters Kars. “Heck, it’s not even noon yet. We’ve got five minutes before we have to start taking calls.”
“Well, I guess we better hurry then,” I say, scrambling over to Cell Block A. Hurriedly, I chuck my bag onto the desk and fire up my computer. But I soon realize that ‘fire up’ is the wrong word.
I grit my teeth as my computer chugs and spits at a leisurely pace. By the time I’m logged in, I can already hear Ingeborg taking her first call.
“Thank you for calling Lightning Zpeed Communications, my name iz Ingeborg, vot can I help you vit today?” she twitters like a canary.
I love Ingeborg’s accent! It puts a smile on my face.
Hillary the Giant Not Ready Nazi stands up from her watch post and fixes her steely gray eyes on me. She raises her tufted unibrow, making her meaning quite clear.
Humph. I wasn’t aware that this is a no-smile zone.
Hillary the Giant’s height gives her the added advantage of enabling her to spy over us. Hmm. I wonder why she’s so mean. Maybe kids used to pick on her and call her names like Andre the Giant, The Jolly Green Giant and Tall Chief.
Poor Hillary. I’ll try to be nice to her.
Instantly, I wipe the smile off my face and load up my apps. I plunk the cinnamon scented candle on my desk and stick a sepia-toned photograph on my cubicle wall. It’s a picture of me and my dad, taken on a muggy July afternoon at the Navy Pier. His hair is tousled from the wind and his eyes are crinkled from squinting at the afternoon sun. I vividly remember all the details of that summery day. We sat on a weathered bench by the pier, and he held my little hand in his big hand. Together, we feasted on our Häagen-Daz waffle cones and my dad was smiling at the camera with an ice-cream moustache.
My dad passed away from lung cancer eight years ago.
Losing him was devastating. I lost my dad and my best friend all in one day. He’s the realest thing I’ve ever had, and he left the biggest gap in my life when he left.
I gaze at the photograph with affection, smiling back at him. Taking a deep breath, I slide on my headset.
Okay, now I’m ready to take a call.
Beep!
“Thanks for calling Lightning Speed Communications. This is