all the way up to his eyes. “No. I’m not going anywhere. Not for a very long time.”
We stayed there, under a tree in the refuge outside of Caswell, Maine, for what felt like hours.
Just the two of us.
And when we finally went home, Kelly was waiting for us on the porch, gnawing on his bottom lip. He lit up when he saw me and almost tripped as he ran down the stairs. He managed to stay upright, and he tackled me into the grass as our father watched. He threw his hands up over his head as he howled in triumph, a cracked thing that didn’t sound anything like the other wolves.
I grinned up at him. “Wow. You’re so strong!”
He poked my nose. “You were gone forever. I got bored. Why did it take so long?”
“I’m here now,” I told him. “And I won’t leave you again.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah. I promise.”
And as I hugged my tether close, listening to him talk excitedly in my ear about how Joe had stuck two Cheerios up his nose and how Mom had gotten mad when Uncle Mark had laughed, I told myself it was a promise I’d always keep.
“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST,” I snapped. “Do you have to follow me everywhere? Dude. Seriously. Back off.”
The timber wolf glared at me.
I tilted my head, listening.
Everyone was in the house. I could hear Mom and Jessie laughing about something in the kitchen.
I jerked my head toward the woods.
The timber wolf huffed out a breath.
I ran.
He followed.
I laughed when he nipped at my heels, urging me on, and in my head, I pretended I could hear his wolf voice saying faster faster faster must run faster so i can chase so i can catch you so i can eat you.
We went deep into the forest, bypassing the clearing, heading for the furthest reaches of our territory. The wolf never ran ahead, always staying at my side, his tongue lolling out of his mouth.
We ran for miles, the scent of spring so green I could taste it.
Eventually I stopped, chest heaving, muscles burning from exertion.
I collapsed on the ground spread-eagled as the wolf paced around me, head raised, sniffing the air, ears twitching. When he decided there was no threat, he lay down beside me, head on my chest, tail curled over my legs. He huffed out an annoyed breath in my face.
I rolled my eyes. “Have to keep up appearances. I’ve got a reputation to maintain. You know how much shit I would get if anyone found out?” I flicked his forehead.
He growled, baring his teeth.
“Yeah, yeah. And I wasn’t exactly lying. You do follow me everywhere. A man has got to be able to shit in peace without an overgrown dog scratching at the door. You don’t see me staring at you when you’re squatting in the backyard.”
He closed his eyes.
I flicked him again. “Don’t ignore me.”
He opened one eye. For something that wasn’t exactly human, he certainly could get his exasperation across.
“Whatever, man. I’m just saying.”
He sneezed on me.
“Fucking asshole,” I muttered, wiping my face. “Just you wait. You’ll get yours. Kibble. I’m going to make sure you only get kibble from here on out.”
Thick clouds passed by overhead. I laughed when a dragonfly landed between his ears, causing them to flatten. The translucent wings fluttered before it flew away.
He was a heavy weight upon me.
Once I thought it crushing.
Now it felt like an anchor holding me in place.
It should have bothered me more than it did.
He grunted, a question without words, his breath hot on my chest through my thin shirt.
“Same old, same old. Who, how, why. You know how it is.”
Who are you?
How did you come to be this way?
Why can’t you shift back?
Questions I’d asked over and over again.
He grumbled, lips pulling back over his teeth.
“I know, dude. It’s whatever, you know? You’ll figure it out when you’re ready. Just… maybe that could be sooner rather than later? I mean, would it be so bad if you—stop growling at me, you dick! Oh, fuck you, man. Don’t take that tone with me.”
He moved his head, nosing at my arm.
I ignored him.
He pressed harder, more insistent.
I sighed. “You’re spoiled. That’s what’s wrong here. You think you’ve got it good. And you do. Maybe too good.” But I did what he wanted, resting my hand on top of his head, scratching the backs of his ears.
He closed his eyes again as he settled.
We were drifting, just the two of us. The world around us turned