i’ll pull them out one by one
find them she says find them find them
kill them
kill them all
i hunt
there’s
man
witch man raven witch man kill him kill him but
there’s
smells like
????
what is
that what is that in him
that smell
that scent
that stench it’s like it’s like
familiar
it’s i know it i know it
can’t
hurt him
humans
he is with humans
scary woman with crowbar
witch man says jessie no
but she says fuck this and crowbar
fucking crowbar it burns it burns
they run they run and i follow
i follow them hunt them stalk them hide hide hide
big wolf bad wolf big bad wolf
witch man raven man i follow you why do
why do you smell like that
who are you they say gordo gordo gordo
and i know that
name
i know that name brain in brain on fire where where where do i
know that name this place i know this place
trees i smell the trees they smell like
man alpha big alpha comes to me
child i am child and alpha says there are wolves gavin there are wolves and
witches gavin there is magic and monsters
you are not
you are not a monster gavin your father is
you are safe here alpha man says i tell you this
i tell you this not to hurt you but to
make you know you are never alone
i looked for him i remember now dead he’s dead he’s dead
follow gordo
follow ???? brother ????
is that who witch man raven man is is is
and i
i attack i kill them make smell go away
don’t need him don’t need this don’t want this place
but then
but then
he comes
out
he’s yelling
wolf stupid wolf big stupid wolf
he is
not
???
others see him
don’t
don’t touch him
that’s mine
that’s mine
he’s mine and i will take him away into woods
i will hunt for him
i will keep him warm
and safe
he yells at me tells me to stop dragging him
stupid wolf man
not dragging you saving you stupid man stupid wolf
it’s
thump
it’s
thump
it’s
thump thump thump and i
i can breathe
i can breathe
i can
I OPENED MY EYES.
Gavin stared down at me.
Blood dripped down his chest and onto mine.
I said, “Gavin,” as I looked to the mark on his shoulder, the perfect impression of fangs already scarring over.
Gavin said, “Carter? It’s…. Carter. I can… I can.”
I reached up and cupped his face. He turned and kissed my palm.
“Show me,” I whispered. “Show me your eyes.”
He shook his head furiously. “I don’t know. I don’t know. If I can. If it’s real.”
And because I had a part to play, I said the words he’d told me once in the snow stained with blood. “What do you want?”
He knew. Of course he did. He said, “To feel like I’m awake.”
“Show me, then. Show me your eyes.”
He did.
Oh, he did.
He opened his eyes, and for a moment nothing happened. But then the tangle of threads in my chest burst to life, writhing and wild, and it stretched between us. It connected us. It was strong and true and I heard him, loud and clear even though he didn’t speak aloud.
carter carter carter
His eyes filled with the brightest orange I’d ever seen.
A tear trickled down his cheek.
I brushed it away.
“Awake,” he whispered. “Awake. Carter, I’m awake. I’m awake.”
THEY WERE WAITING FOR US.
We walked toward them, hands clasped between us.
The sirens blared, cracking the cold air like it was glass.
Chris and Tanner and Rico were grinning. They looked almost feral.
Rico said, “This is some goddamn Disney shit right here.”
Jessie rolled her eyes. “Mystical moon magic.”
Dominique shook her head fondly.
Bambi laughed, and it was sweet and kind. Joshua looked up at her from her arms, blinking slowly at the sight of his mother so carefree.
But it was my own mother I turned to.
She was smiling quietly.
She said, “Gavin. To me, if you please.”
He stiffened, but it didn’t last. He squared his shoulders. He dropped my hand and walked slowly to her. She stood on the steps above him, looking down.
She said, “Did you make your choice?”
He said, “Yes.”
“What did you choose?”
And Gavin said, “Carter.”
She started to nod, but then he spoke again.
“And family. I chose family. Pack. Pack. Pack.”
She took his face in her hands. She leaned forward and kissed his forehead. He shuddered at the press of her lips. She pulled away, but only just.
She whispered, “This is where you belong. This is where you’re supposed to be. No one else can have you. No one else can take you. I love you, I love you, I love you.”
He stepped forward, pressing his face against her stomach. She was startled, but then she chuckled and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She looked to me. Her eyes flashed. “It’s time to show the world