or they don’t. But it was different with him. I’d heard all these stories about him, how angry he was, how he could be gruff and a dick, and I was worried. He was there first, you know? If he wanted to, he could probably convince the rest of you to make me leave.”
I couldn’t keep the shock from my face. “He wouldn’t do that, man. I mean, yeah, he’s a fucking asshole, but he wouldn’t push you out.”
“I know that now,” Robbie said. “And I think I wore him down. Or grew on him. Or something. He started talking to me. Started relaxing around me. And I… I liked him. Once you get past all the bluster, he was….”
“Gordo.”
“Yeah.” He looked relieved. “And maybe he just put up with me at first, but that changed somehow. He was my friend. And then he was my brother. It wasn’t like it was with you or Joe. Or even Ox. I love you guys, but I felt like I’d earned it with him.”
I understood. “And then Gavin came.”
“Right,” he said. He shook his head. “It’s dumb, I know. I have nothing to be jealous about. Gordo deserves this after all the shit he’s been through. To have someone that comes from the same blood. Someone who knows what it’s like to have Livingstone for a father. As much as I try, I can’t ever be like that.”
“Right,” I said, trying to choose my words carefully. “But just because Gavin’s here doesn’t mean Gordo’s going to see you any different. Or think of you any less. There’s room. For you. For Gavin. For all of us. We’re pack, Robbie.”
“Pack,” he said quietly. He smiled, but it faded as quickly as it came. “I get it, though. Brothers. What it means. How you’d do anything for them, even if it means hurting yourself. I never had that. I do now.”
“You have all of us.”
“You didn’t look for me. At first.”
I closed my eyes. “Shit.”
“Oh, hey, no. That’s not—I didn’t—fuck. Carter, listen. I didn’t mean it that—”
I opened my eyes again. “No. It’s fair. You’re right. I didn’t. And yet you still looked for me when I was gone, didn’t you?”
He sighed. “Yeah. I told myself it was for Kelly, and a big part of it was. But it was for you too.”
“Thank you.”
He recoiled. “I’m not asking for you to—”
“I know, man. But you deserve to hear it from me. Thank you for giving enough of a shit about me to try to come after me. It took me a long time to pull my head out of my ass, but toward the end, I want you to know I did the same for you.”
“You did,” he said. “You came to the bridge.” He laughed. “And I tried to kill you.”
“Eh. Something is usually trying to. It’s part of being who we are.”
He sobered. “I wish it wasn’t always that way.”
I looked down at my hands. “Me too. But if we don’t fight, who will?”
“Do you remember when I was in the basement? After that full moon when Livingstone was still in my head. Kelly was with me, and all of you were still standing on the other side of the silver. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust me, but it felt like it.”
“Not one of our better moments,” I muttered.
“Maybe,” he said. “But I get it now. The why of it. Gavin crossed the line. He came over to me and laid his head on my lap.”
I’d forgotten about that. I’d been itching to cross it myself, if only to get as close to Kelly as possible just in case Robbie wasn’t… Robbie. But Gavin had taken it upon himself to show us without words how ridiculous we were being. Even as a wolf, he was extraordinarily expressive, and the look of disdain he’d given us, had given me, was like a cold splash of water.
“I’m jealous,” Robbie said, “but then I remember that moment and realize I have no reason to be. Even then, he wasn’t trying to take any of you away from me. He was showing us how pack is supposed to be.”
I felt weirdly proud. “He’s all right, I guess.”
Robbie snorted. “You don’t have to do that, you know.”
“Do what?”
“Act like that. We know how you feel about him. We know because we know you. Always sniping at him, but when you don’t think anyone is watching, you get this… look on your face. It’s soft. And kind.