a startled glance at my grandmother and bristles.
“I’m sorry,” she says mechanically, her expression one of complete bewilderment.
“Your apology is accepted.” My grandmother says, accepting her confusion as a sign of contrition. Serene flashes me a sympathetic smile, as if to say, “glad she’s not my grandmother.”
She goes back to packing the suitcase that’s open on the bed.
Duke and I are leaving for Thailand for our honeymoon tomorrow. I watch as she lays more lingerie into the case and want to tell her not to bother. I’ve got no one to wear that for. Duke and I have separate rooms at the resort and I’m going to do my best to pretend he doesn’t exist for the two weeks we’ll be away. I’m taking my books, my bikinis, and my earphones. I’m going to sleep, and take pictures, sketch and get ready to come home and step into the role I tried so hard to escape.
“I’m glad you made the right decision.” She smiles and I give her a tight smile in return.
I wish she would leave. This day is hard enough without her hovering.
“You must be getting so excited. The party is going to be beautiful. The flowers are to die for, it’s like a botanical garden in the ballroom,” Serene says brightly, turning her attention back to me.
“It better be. We’ve spared no expense.” There’s a thread of a threat in her voice and Serene gulps. God, I’m sure she regrets taking this job. Working for Fiona means essentially that she works for Agnes. And my grandmother is the hardest person in the world to please.
“Yes, it’s totally worth it. Hampton Court comes to Winsome,” she gives her reassuring smile. I feel sorry for her a little when her smile starts to struggle in the face of my grandmother’s unwaveringly unimpressed stare.
I want to pat her hand and tell her to not take it personally. She’s a “I’ll see it when I believe it” kind of person.
Her approval is won only by results and excellence.
She doesn’t have a sentimental bone in her body.
“We have a very tight schedule and we can’t be late to church.” At the mention of that church, I think about the last time I was in there…with Carter, and tears prick my eyes.
My grandmother sees them and mistakes them for sentiments I could never feel.
“I know you must be overwhelmed with happiness. Despite all of your failings and stubbornness, you are sitting where so many young women would kill to be. You were born with so many natural gifts, darling. I’m glad you didn’t let the less than desirable traits set the scene for your life. You’ve made the right decision.”
She trails the back of her hand over my cheek and it burns with shame. She looks around my sprawling, opulent bedroom and smiles in satisfaction. “You’ve been blessed with so much abundance. And tomorrow you’ll marry the most eligible man in Winsome.” I smile demurely, gratefully. Just like I was supposed to.
“I’m so glad you’ve come to understand that we know what’s best for you. Your acceptance and submission has been a joy to watch. Today, you’ll begin the next phase of your journey.”
My throat convulses under the strain of swallowing down a wail that was rolling around in my chest. I cough and reach for the glass of water on the vanity in front of me.
“I have allergies.” I explain and her lips turn down in concern.
“You should take something. You need to look perfect. Those pictures will be printed in every important magazine in Texas.” She runs a hand over my hair and my eyes flutter closed to hide the agitation her touch makes me feel. She sees it as a sign of pleasure and when I open my eyes, she’s wearing a pleased smile.
“What we do is hard. Not everyone can carry the burden of leadership. It takes sacrifice and strength that most people couldn’t fathom.”
I’ve sacrificed everything that matters. I sold my soul to try and atone for what I’d done.
I have embraced my new life. I eat their overly salted casseroles and drink weak and too sweet iced tea with the church ladies. I thank them for their concern. I have a good life. I’m adored, revered, and envied.
It’s selfish to want more.
My makeup artist puts a swipe of gloss on my lips and starts to pack up.
“I’ve left you tubes of everything for touch ups. You’re beautiful, thanks for hiring me for today.”
“Get a move on, we’ve