I’m done, she stares at our joined hands, and the first indication I have of how she’s feeling is the plop of a tear on top of my hand.
“Oh, Dina, don’t cry. I’m so sorry. Don’t be sad for me. I’ll be fine.”
She looks up suddenly and her eyes are blazing and narrowed to slits.
“I’m not sad. I’m fucking angry that you feel like this is your only choice. Your family. What is wrong with them? I wish I could do something.” I’ve never see Dina look distraught and it’s hard to know it’s because of me.
I want to reassure her. “It’s okay. I’ve made this commitment and It need to get out from under my father’s thumb and make sure he can’t put my sister there, too.”
“At the cost of everything you want? I don’t understand why Fiona would ask this of you. She’s a fucking grown ass woman.” She shakes her head in disbelief.
“It’s what James did for me. It’s what I’m going to do in his place.”
“Oh, Lizzy, I hate this. There has to be a way that doesn’t include you throwing your while life away.” She squeezes my hand.
I squeeze hers back, but my stomach tightens because I hate it, too. But I still have to live with it.
“Duke and I have an understanding. I’m not going to spend my whole life with him. Or have kids with him. Once the money is secure we’ll split it and go our separate ways. And then, I’ll be free. And that is what I want more than anything.”
She leans toward me, her lip quirked in disgust. “So, what? You’re okay with him cheating on you and not even bothering to hide it?”
I wince at the memory of how everyone has been looking at me at work. It’s uncomfortable.
“It’s not really cheating. We’re not a couple. Not in the real sense.”
“That’s not what everyone else is going to think.”
“I don’t care what people think.”
“You’re a 22 year old woman in twenty-first century America. Of course you care what people think.” Dina says incredulously.
“Well, not enough to give it power over my decisions.”
“Awesome. Then you can not cheat with Carter as much as you want.” She says cheerily.
“No. I can’t.”
“Why not? It’s the perfect summer fling set up. He’s only here for a few months. Duke and Sauron are gone. One last hurrah before you sign your life away. I’m sure he’d be down for it.”
And even though my heart is breaking, I can’t help but smile when I think about how to answer that question.
“We are so good together. From the minute we met, it’s like we’ve always known each other. We have a real connection. One that I don’t think I’ve had with anyone. Except my brothers and you. But, unfortunately, we’re also really attracted to each other.”
“You mean, can’t keep your hands off each other, And I don’t know why that’s unfortunate. Do you know how many people would love to meet someone they feel that way about? You’ve got a chance. A real one. And I don’t know a guy who would turn down a summer of no strings attached sex with a girl he’s into. ”
“You know, in proportion to the rest of your face, your mouth is tiny. It’s like it’s got its own Napoleonic complex. So determined to prove its value that it overcompensates by never shutting up.” I say.
She rolls her eyes. “Fine. I’ll let you finish. And then I’ll tell you why everything you said is bullshit.”
I give her an unfriendly smile.
“Carter and I couldn’t just have sex,”
“Ummm, you fucked in the library. I think you already did.”
I give her a warning glare.
She runs her pinched fingers over her lips to illustrate sealing them.
“If I break this off with Duke, there will be consequences. Ones I couldn’t live with. If I were free to choose, there’d be no question. It would be him.”
“So, you want to just be friends?” She looks at me like I have three heads.
“Why are you saying friends like it’s a bad word?”
“Because you’re half in love with him already. That’s not going to go away because you just want to be friends.”
“ I don’t want to be in love with him. That’s the last thing I need. It’s too late for us. And in a way, I’m glad. Love only ends in heartbreak.”
“Well, I guess I can’t argue there. I don’t have the best track record. In fact, I have no business giving you advice.
I don’t