will manage this. One breath at a time.
It hurts, but it’s what should happen.
This whole thing being so close to him…it felt good. It was like an out of body experience. But it was never going to last. He was going to go home or I was going to get caught or fuck up or both.
That’s how this will end. He says he loves me, but he can’t do anything to help me.
So, it’s good this all happened before I fell in love.
My heart constricts painfully.
Turns out, there are some lies that it won’t let me tell myself.
Oh God.
23
KNIFE TO A GUNFIGHT
CARTER
“Thanks for coming to meet me.” I say as Dina slides into the booth across from me.
“No problem. I was in town. And honestly, it’s amazing to lay eyes on you.” She shakes her head in wonder, a huge smile on her face.
“Thanks, I guess.” I draw out the words and eye her warily. “Why are you looking at me like I’m a circus attraction?”
Her smile only grows wider.
“Because, everyone believes that Susan Kendicott killed the baby she’d given birth to. And after the I found out about the first child, I believed it, too. You’re like a unicorn. But real.”
I balk at that. “Well, I can assure that I’m not anything close to magical or rare.” Right now, I feel like shit warmed over.
She smiles and reaches into her bag and pulls out a brown lunch bag. She slides it across the table at me.
“I’d like to do an independent DNA test. Just to confirm your paternity. Susan’s attorney has a waiver from her so we can test as soon as we receive your sample.”
The request comes as a surprise and it makes me uneasy.
“I got results from that site. It’s supposed to be accurate.”
She purses her lips and eyes me intently.
“What?” I demand, a feeling of dread pooling in my gut.
“I talked to the other lawyer. She’s been in a maximum security prison for twenty years. It’s not possible that she would have been able to send her DNA to a website like that.”
I choke on my next breath.
“You mean, she’s not my mother?” I ask when I stop coughing. Saying the words out loud makes me instantly nauseous. If I have put myself through all of this…and she’s not even my mother.
“You’re her spitting image and your origin story fits perfectly, chronologically and factually.”
I sag in relief.
“The document you sent me said the match was a parent or full sibling. I’m think maybe it’s your sibling’s profile. The first child.” She says meaningfully.
I shake my head. “But we’re not full siblings. She didn’t even know Kendicott when she had him.”
She smiles nervously and clears her throat. I don’t say anything to prod her this time. I have a feeling whatever is coming next isn’t something I’ll want to hear.
“Joel Kendicott wasn’t your father.” She says it such certainty that I almost nod.
“What are you talking about?”
“He couldn’t have been. He had testicular cancer when he was 17. The treatment left him sterile. Her lawyer implied that she had a lover. At the very least she had a tryst. But her lawyer also implied that both children were sired by the same man.”
I feel like I’ve been hit with a 2 by 4 and my head is starting to hurt. I’m not sure how to process any of this. This was Jo’s theory, too.
“So, who is he?”
“Don’t know. The lawyer doesn’t either. I think that the Tremaine’s are still worth looking at. She worked for them for a long time. Starting very shortly after she had that first kid.”
“Wow. Holy shit.” I say, still dazed.
“ think that we should get your DNA matched to hers from a sample we know belongs to her. And in the meantime, we can try find out who created that profile. If she went to those lengths to protect you, maybe she did the same for him. I brought over all the documents I got from her lawyer. A lot of the un-redacted stuff and interviews.” She hands over a file folder.
I pick it up, a little dazed but excited.
“Wow- thank you for this. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel considering what happened with me and Beth.”
“What happened?” She asks wide-eyed.
“Oh, she hasn’t told you?” My mood darkens. I’ve spent the week making my friend Dave listen while I ranted about her. She hasn’t even told her friend.
“She’s called me a few times. I’ve been so busy that we haven’t talked,” she