into my view.
She has a beauty mark on the upward sweep of it and I turn my head, unable to resist the succulent sight and stick my tongue out and lick it. She sighs. It’s a sweet sigh of relief and so, I do it again.
A shudder runs through her and she presses her body into my back and slides her hands up my shoulders and twines her fingers into my hair.
My breathing is fast and my heartbeat quickens and my fingers slip off the keys.
I have an idea.
“You think your father would approve of me--” She stiffens against my back and then moves to sit beside me.
She looks at me intently.
“No.” Her voice is harsh and unequivocal. “I don’t want to do business with you. This…with you is the most beautiful experience I’ve had my whole life. You’ve opened my eyes so much, and maybe one day, I’ll be free at the same time that you are. But I won’t ask another person to bind their future to mine for money. And I don’t want my father to even know you exist. He’ll find a way to ruin it. Please.”
I don’t have anything productive to say. I don’t have anything to offer her.
“When is he back?”
“One more month. He and my father are coming back for his huge fundraiser. Everyone thinks we’re broken up. So, he’s going to make this public show of us getting back together. And that’s the night he’ll give me my ring back and we’ll announce a date.”
That makes my blood run cold.
She puts her arms around me “Don’t worry. I’ll never marry him. I just need to make sure I can leave. But once I’ve done that, nothing will stop me from coming to you.”
She kisses me and when her tongue slides against mine, I almost believe her.
30
SISTER SOLDIER
CARTER
I call my sister on my way to see Beth. We’ve got a week left before her father is back and I’m coming apart at the seams. I can’t do what she’s asked and pretend she’s not mine. I don’t have the means to offer her a solution.
I need to talk this out with someone who loves me but doesn’t pull any punches, either.
“You’re actually the worst human ever. Why has it taken you so long to return my call?” Nadia says by way of greeting when she answers her phone.
“You called me?”
She growls.
“Don’t fucking pretend. You probably sat there, watching it ring because you were too chicken shit to send it to voicemail. If you don’t want to talk to me, own it. “
“I’m sorry and I’ll make it up to you when I get home. I’ll take you to Levain’s for lunch.”
“Carter,” she yells like she’s said my name a thousand times already and I haven’t responded.
“What? I said I was sorry.”
“Sorry is not going to cut it shithead. You have ignored all of us for three weeks. Mom is about to launch a freaking search party for you.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“We’re a family. You forget what that means.”
It hurts to hear her say that, but I know I deserve it.
“I know…I’ve been an ass, but honestly, I needed the space. I know you can’t understand, but I needed to know more about her…”
She sighs and I know she’s done scolding me.
“I do understand. You just didn’t give me a chance to show you that. I love you. I don’t want you to not have this journey, I just don’t want to lose you in the process.”
Something inside of me uncoils and it releases, and the fear that I’ve tried to ignore dissipates. The relief that takes its place isn’t comfortable either though. I’m ashamed that I doubted them.
I feared, deep down the distance would reveal that I wasn’t an essential part of our family’s alchemy. That they wouldn’t miss me.
Whatever I thought I’d find out while I was here, it hasn’t happened. I’m still Carter. Son of Lorin and Penn. No one but Jo has looked at me and recognized her. No one thinks of her as anything more than the woman who went crazy and killed her husband.
If I was born with any tendencies that are like hers or his, my parents loved me enough that I’ve never felt them. The family I was meant for is the one that chose me and I know how lucky I am. I’ve always known.
“Carter, are you there?”
“We could never lose each other. That would never happen. Never.” I wish I could give her a hug, but