smidgeon guilty. “After you left, I got lonely. But not like a sad girl kind of lonely. I felt I was missing out on something. Maybe because I was there that day and I also witnessed it…”
“You wanted to be part of everyone coming back together, perhaps? I mean, you were part of it so it makes you part of this to.”
“Yeah. Something like that.” She glanced back and saw Kathy walking up. “And I wanted to see you too. Your voice always makes me feel better.”
Kayla whipped around and smiled at Kathy.
“Kayla. I can’t believe you came today.”
“I guess after the shooting I wondered if a little faith might provide some comfort. You know?”
Kathy glowed. She was thrilled to have Kayla there. She hugged her tightly and said, “I’m so glad you came.”
“I felt bad about bringing my guards and adding them to yours considering how the rest of the congregation might feel.”
“What happened was not your fault or mine. Remember that. I’ve been working here for years without anything like that…” They started walking together towards the reception room and Jim watched them fade away.
John, another member, came up next and Jim tuned back in.
Fatigue spread through Jim rapidly. Cutting the weekly services to just one in anticipation of a meager attendance was something Jim insisted on, knowing the toll it would take on him. Remembering the violence while trying to be positive and hopeful was a feat in itself and no way could he do that twice in one day.
When all the members passed through the greeting line, Jim joined the others. And darn. How his heart soared when he spotted Kayla’s face. She was sipping coffee or tea or hot chocolate; who knew? Talking to Kathy, she was nodding and dipping her fork into a frothy chocolate cake one of the parishioners baked.
Jim fought the urge to simply drop down next to her, put his head on her shoulder and close his eyes. Letting her wrap her arm around him and smoothing his hair like she so often did was such a luxury. He sighed. No. Not now. He still had a few other members to address. The three church elders wished to discuss some issues and drew him into the conversation. Jim received many compliments about his sermon today. Congratulations meant approval, so perhaps they wouldn’t lose the entire congregation. Jim was under a lot of pressure. But he knew the true credit belonged to Kayla. She allowed his words to flow, and gave him the strength to show up here, by making him face the room on his own terms.
After a good forty-five minutes of Jim working the room, he felt justified to flop down on the seat beside Kathy. He was across from Kayla and he really wanted to sit beside her but there was no space.
Kayla gave him a secret smile before averting her eyes to keep it from appearing obvious. Jim stayed neutral, longing to take her hand without smiling back. Just to be with her. But Kathy spoke so he turned to her with a polite smile. Not like the one he reserved for Kayla. Finally, Kathy spotted a friend and she jumped up to go visit with her. Jim gratefully turned to Kayla at the opportunity of having some relative privacy.
“Come over. Later.”
“Really? You’re not mad then?”
“No, you were right. Friendly face and all.” He pressed his eyes and shut them. When he opened them again, she tilted her head with a small, sympathetic smile.
“You’re exhausted. You only rub your eyes like that when you’re tired or stressed.” She smiled cheekily. “Or trying not to, you know, sex me up,” she said softly and her eyes sparkled with amusement and care.
A genuine smile formed on his lips. “I might be too tired for you know. I’m exhausted. That was hard. Exactly as I thought. But if not for you, I couldn’t have done it. And seeing you did make it easier for me to contribute.”
She gave him a smile. “I want to hold your hand.”
“I wanted to do the exact same thing.” They exchanged a private message through their eyes and both looked away in unison when Kathy returned.
“Wow. Everyone is totally blown away by you, Jim. They all agree you were amazing.”
He tried to tune into that sentiment graciously but he was so tired. Finally, he made an escape. He still had more members to talk to before he could personally evaluate their numbers and reactions. It was