began to increase.
“I’m nervous,” Kayla stated openly before taking his hand. He held her and clasped her fingers tightly.
“Me too.” It was liberating to admit the truth.
“Should we just go ahead and walk in there? Rip off the Band-Aid, even though we both know it’s so much more than that?”
“Maybe that would be the best way.”
She turned and faced the doors, which were kept closed nowadays, and nodded. They both stared as if they were facing an enemy firing squad. Neither of them moved. He gulped. “I really don’t want to go inside there.”
She squeezed his fingers more tightly in hers. “It’s healing. Remember? We’ll be better in the end for it.”
“You don’t have to go in there again. Why are you doing this?”
She simply looked up at him and her gaze was simple and sweet. “For you.”
Right. For him. The guilt nearly ripped him in two. She wasn’t anything like he used to assume. She was so much better than him. Unspeakably so.
He held her hand and nodded. “Thank you.” It wasn’t enough, but all he could manage for now.
Gripping each other’s hands, they entered the double doors together. She was squeezing his hand and he held his breath, waiting for the terrible images to revisit him. The pops of the gun, the sight of Eric flying through the air before falling. The loud thud of his large body. Screaming, yelling, people scrambling, and trying to avoid the older patrons who could not move out of the way.
The room looked completely different. Now there was dark wood flooring and deep navy blue walls, in contrast to before when the walls were gray and the floors were tile. The altar was completely revamped. All the pews were gone and replaced by individual seats that were set in a new configuration. A single, central, extra-wide aisle now dominated the room, making it more easily exited in case of another emergency. Before, the two shorter rows of pews were on each side, and the aisle was too narrow because a wide line of pews occupied the center.
The new aisle led to the few stairs that surrounded the altar; and behind that were rows of new risers that were added for the choir.
“Wow. They didn’t skimp on anything. It looks entirely different.”
“Yeah, I guess it does. I didn’t realize they were ditching all the pews. It changes the whole ambience.”
“I like it better like this.”
“More open, warm and personable. Less formal and old-fashioned, I suppose.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right.” They still gripped hands. “It’s amazing no one else got injured or killed, considering the advanced ages of most of my congregation. Especially since they were all scrambling and scared, but there were no reports of significant injury except for Mrs. Safran, who twisted her ankle. She got the worst injury.”
“It is totally amazing. I don’t remember too much of it. Except the sounds. My mother pushed me down and flopped on top of me, protecting me with her body. And when we got up, I was worried about the three of you. But mostly Eric. I remember the noise. So much of it. Bits and pieces are coming back now that we’re here. The cops and paramedics taking control before the shooter’s dead body was taken out.”
Jim rubbed the back of his neck. “He was just a kid, only seventeen. I pray about that a lot. What went wrong? What would motivate a kid to do that? And all that security? They were visibly armed and stationed at all exits. It seems like he must have known. But maybe not. I still can’t get my head around it.”
She turned to him and touched his bicep. “Are you sure you have to host the first service since it happened? I mean, it’ll no doubt be tense for all. You can’t help remembering and that leads to thinking that it happened once, so it could happen again. You’re being put into the position of counseling others, which seems like the wrong approach. You were the victim. As much as everyone else in your congregation. How can you expect to inspire others when you’re floundering in the same boat?”
“Because I’m their spiritual leader. I have lots of training in how to speak and counsel others. Usually, I can do it pretty effectively. The goal is to bring comfort, continuity and a sense that everything is okay and will go on as before. Pastor Jim is still here to lead the Sunday worship. In order to give