why was this woman still beside him? He noticed her scent and wondered what perfume did she wear? It was earthy and sensuous. It filled his nostrils and made him hard. Her loose hair swung so feminine and free. God, she was gorgeous. And she was right there. Right here.
“I’m fine.” His voice sounded like gravel in his throat.
“You’re not,” she said, gripping his arm. She touched him. Kayla never touched him before. He gulped some air to stop the intense feelings that began coursing through him. The fuzziness inside his brain caused by the alcohol left him dazed and dizzy. He gripped his head. He shouldn’t have drunk so much.
He shouldn’t have witnessed a shooting in the church. Or lost his fiancée. Or become a pastor.
He knew that long before this happened.
That’s why Kayla freaked him out so much. She, only she, seemed to sense instinctually that Jim was a fraud. She didn’t even care to know why, she just knew it. No one else did. That’s why he avoided her so often. She saw right through him. His truth. His artificiality. His wrongness. He was so dirty. He was always filthy. Born that way.
The irony of longing to be a pastor after his father used religion to hurt people wasn’t lost on him. He genuinely hoped to make up for it. Make it all right. But he kept failing at the task. And no one else saw that. Just him. And Kayla.
She saw the truth. He knew Kayla did.
“Don’t touch me.” His voice was mean, harsh and desperate. More than anything, he sounded desperate.
“You said you drank a lot tonight. Maybe you’re going to be sick.”
He gulped more air to cool his hot, angry thoughts, which were pretty sexual in nature and filled with lust. For her. For Kayla, because she was right there.
In his apartment. On his couch.
Kathy also sat right there for years and Jim never felt such an overwhelming need for her as he did for Kayla now. It hurt and ached inside him, replacing his logical decisions and choices. His vows. His promises to himself. One smell of her left him wanting nothing more than to bury himself inside her. Feel every inch of her. Find her. Take her. Seek comfort from her. Feel alive again. He needed help.
He rubbed his face. God, how he needed help.
No. No.
He’d only hurt her feelings. She slipped her hand free and pushed a hunk of hair behind her ear. “You don’t have to be so mean to me. Can’t you just understand why I’m—”
She didn’t finish.
He suddenly grabbed her arms in both of his hands, turning her towards him. He stared at her starting with her forehead and descending to her mouth. He slowly sank into her.
Hard. Eager. Desperate. Needy.
Kayla.
She couldn’t think. One moment, he was being awful to her again and gripping his head like he was in pain. Her human concern superseded her usual reticence with Jim. He seemed to be experiencing something very deep and dark.
Until he got mean and forbade her from touching him. Then he grabbed her and just stared at her for a moment. And then… Jim’s mouth ground into hers.
There was nothing soft or hesitant. He planted his mouth on hers and jammed his tongue down her throat. Rubbing his tongue on her lips and tongue, he used one hand to hold her arm and the other was buried in her hair.
He kissed her. Jim was actually kissing her.
Her brain swirled and her body froze until she started to react. Hard. With shocking surprise, she could only wonder when he first felt like this towards her. It was never anything sexual before.
She did find it a little bit stimulating when they argued. And satisfying to win the argument or annoy him but never just to get his attention. She never tried to attract Jim. Right? She wasn’t really into her sister’s man, was she?
No. She’d have known if she were. She was the sophisticated, experienced sister, so of course, she’d recognize it if it ever existed.
But one touch of his tongue on hers filled her with hot wetness. It was almost instantaneous.
He was hard, stiff, and intense. And she was getting that way. His mouth was red hot and so insistent, it became overwhelming.
He kissed her over and over, burying his tongue deep inside her throat and she was amazed by how good it felt. It made her wonder where Jim learned how to do it.
She whimpered slightly, but she