But damn. Kayla felt good to him. Her hand stroked his chest and his heart skipped a beat at her touch. “Kathy and you were really the better match. The purpose of your entire lives is simply to enrich others. Almost daily.” She sighed. “I can’t claim the same. I’ve never volunteered for charitable causes. She asked me plenty of times, but I never did.”
“Until today. It’s never too late.”
She tipped her head up and he looked deeply into her eyes. For Jim, there was nowhere else in the world to distract him from her sparkling eyes. Not the sky. Nor the water. Nor the sun’s reflection on a hot coin on the sidewalk. Nothing came close to the bright, burning blue of her eyes. The warmth he found there encapsulated all he missed during his lonely, cold life.
Being surrounded by his congregation members and fellow church workers was very much appreciated by Jim, but they weren’t his family or his friends. Lying about his past, first to Kathy and now Kayla, too, was his usual MO. Nobody wants to hear the truth when it’s so grim and shameful. Jim feared he’d be shunned over it if Kayla knew. But she regarded him with the same adoration and admiration as if he were the hero of a favorite movie she loved. Jim never met anyone with such a warm, wonderful personality as Kayla. He realized he’d liked her long before he found the words to admit it.
“I’m not that good.” She admitted.
“You are so.”
She shook her head. “No. Not like you. You do good works. And it comes from your heart. That includes the church, the food bank and all the other charities you support and volunteer for. It’s not the same.”
He leaned his forehead on hers. “You make me feel good. That’s not something I easily get from others.” His hand drifted up to her neck and slid into her thick hair. He pulled silky strands and tossed them about. “There is more than one way to improve the world.”
She snorted. “No one could mistake me for improving it compared to you. And they’d be right.”
He sighed. “I tend to live my life as a cause. Don’t get me wrong. I do what I think is important and matters and I will continue to do that. But after the shooting, you know what I realized? Not a soul in my congregation would miss Jim Zavarian. Me. Whoever the heck I am. I don’t always know my own identity. Not outside of my job.”
“It’s so much more than a job. It’s a calling. It’s a clear reflection of what is inside you. Your personality. Your natural leadership. Your choice to help others with their needs, whether physical, emotional or spiritual. Your career and your personality work in tandem, don’t they? I never fully understood how much so or how thoroughly you participated. Don’t sell yourself short. You know exactly who you are.” She smiled sweetly, touching his face. “You’re serious. Intelligent. An avid reader who needs a TV if only to chill out and relax. You’re human. You feel all the emotions that everyone feels, despite how hard you try to manifest other priestly ideals. I don’t claim to understand it but I know it matters to you. I am not sorry you can’t always identify with the role you play, because if you did, we wouldn’t be here.”
He brushed the hair caught in her lips and stared at her before leaning forward to capture her mouth with his. “It used to be a lot easier for me to live up to my ideals. Then you…”
“No. You, Jim. You felt these things for me. You still feel these things for me. It isn’t an accident. And I didn’t do it to you.”
“Yes, you’re right. I did. I still do.”
“It’s neither a sin nor abnormal. I wish you’d realize that and start forgiving yourself… along with me for tempting you.”
“There are so many factors to consider. I embrace my calling because it is me. My passion. All I have. But that entails maintaining a decent reputation despite these modern times. People have real expectations. Being with one sister and rushing to the next sister can be a lot for people to digest.”
“I get it. But that won’t last forever.”
He let out a chuckle. “Really? You? And here I thought you were being so subtle about it.”
She play-punched his arm. “Yes, me. Hiding stuff isn’t my way. Especially from my family and