Jim glanced at the time.
“I should go.”
“Yeah, it’ll be dinner soon. You best run far and fast before that disaster arrives. I smell things sometimes, like real food, but she refuses to bring me anything good.”
“I’ll bring some snacks the next time I come.” Jim almost winced at his assumption he would be asked to come back. But he kept his expression blank so Eric didn’t realize his gaffe in assuming they’d do this again. Were they becoming friendly? Ha. So lame to think that.
But Jim had no one else. That thought kept slamming into him. Hard. And he found it distinctly distasteful.
“Would you really? Some pop, please. And some candy. Any kind is fine. Oh. And please… come back soon. The chess is fun too. My brain is rotting here. Only so much internet surfing I can handle. Did you know about the photographer and the knitter who collaborated to make the most interesting pictures where the knitter makes sweaters and full outfits to match the background so the person being photographed is so well-camouflaged they’re very hard to find?”
Jim’s lips twitched. “No. I never heard about that.” Yeah, no wonder he got dumped for Eric. Eric was a fun, interesting, comforting, genuine kind of guy. “But I will bring you some candy and pop.”
“Don’t tell Kathy. Even if you’d like to get some kind of revenge on me, please don’t make it that.”
It was impossible not to smile at Eric, although, he wasn’t totally kidding. His smile faded. “No. Seriously she takes it away from me… I need it. Really bad, man.”
“Okay. Okay. I’ll get you your drug. No plans for revenge. I’m a man of God, remember?” It was a long time since Jim felt so frivolous. Kidding around. His early life didn’t provide much to joke about and he never had a casual, easy relationship with anyone really. Kathy maybe. Sometimes. But he was usually uptight and honestly, he brought out her anxiety. Two pillars of propriety who ignited discomfort in each other.
“I remember. You can’t imagine the guilt I suffered from.”
“Yeah. I think I can imagine.” He rose with the chess board in hand. “It gives me a few moments of pleasure. That, in many ways, is the best revenge.”
Eric winced and then laughed out loud. “Touché. You got me. But know this: I never meant to. Not to you. Once I got over you calling me a thug and a Russian hitman, I liked you and tried not to…”
“Desire my fiancée?”
“That’ll never sound okay. But yes. That.”
Jim felt happy. He was glad to laugh over a situation that could have been heartbreaking and awkward, even driving some people to anger, rage and revenge. But knowing he didn’t feel any of those things only further illustrated that he didn’t really love Kathy. He frowned while trying to place one of Eric’s comments. “When did I call you a Russian hitman and a thug?”
“The first time you saw me as Kathy’s newest bodyguard. I didn’t like being stereotyped. Been called big and dumb for my entire life.”
Jim tilted his head with wonder. This huge, muscle-bound man with all the looks, charm, personality, and easy interaction with others, including women, especially his fiancée, had insecurities? Jim was surprised by it because he didn’t know. People asked for his advice regarding religious or faith-based doubts, insecurities and questions. Many believed they were not “good enough” to receive God’s grace, or their approach to prayer and worship weren’t “right” so they came to him for absolution, clarity, and advice. Jim tried to explain that wasn’t a problem. All are loved by God exactly as they are.
But this was Eric telling him what he said that made Eric feel bad. Like a friend might tell another friend?
“I don’t even remember saying that. But I’ll say this: I never thought you were dumb. Not once. Realizing that Kathy liked you didn’t dawn on me for way too long, looking back now. But you being dumb? No.”
Eric smiled. “That means a lot coming from you, Jim.”
It felt nice to know that Eric cared about what Jim thought, without the context and capacity of a spiritual advisor. Turning to leave, Jim paused and glanced back with one last question. “May I ask you something?”
“You may ask me ten things. Nothing much going on here.” He indicated his stretched-out body.
“Why did my impression of you mean so much?”
Eric cocked an eyebrow up and replied, “Jim Zavarian, how do you not know that you’re the