not my house I’m going to,” I explained softly.
Understanding registered on Jake’s face, and I saw his jaw tighten. I moved towards the door, all the sudden feeling suffocated by the room. “Have a wonderful Christmas, Jake. I mean that.”
“Avery,” he called as I was about to open the door and was next to me in an instant. I could feel his breath on my forehead, and I closed my eyes, unable to manage the way his scent overwhelmed me. I felt his hand move over to my wrist and capture it, rubbing two of his fingers across the inner skin as if to check my pulse. I knew my heart was still racing, giving away the effect he had on me. “You forgot your phone,” he said quietly and put it in my hand. “Have a wonderful Christmas too.”
I looked up at him and he was smug, obviously pleased at my reaction. I couldn’t seem to get out of the door fast enough and could hardly catch my breath once I did. It was unfair how I was feeling. Unfair to me and to Parker. I took off at a sprint, ready to escape the crushing truth that part of my heart still belonged to a man who was fully capable of destroying me.
“Lord, I pray she knows you as her rock and her salvation. I pray she trusts you at all times and pours her heart out to you…”
14. GAS STATION SCAVENGER HUNT
My apartment felt different when I returned, darker somehow, like the footprint of Jake was everywhere. The pit felt closer than it had in weeks, and I knew it was my fault. I had given in when I bought him that picture, and allowed myself to feel for him all over again. I looked at the picture of Parker on my desk, and tears stung at my eyes. He deserved so much better than me, and I knew it. I set the picture down and got undressed to shower. My reflection in the mirror stopped me as I started to examine everything that was wrong with my body. I pinched at each bulge, disgusted by it. No matter how hard I tried, how much I ran, it was never enough. The tears were freely flowing now as I stepped in the shower letting the steaming hot water run over me, praying it would sear off everything I hated about myself.
Two hours later, I was dressed and ready to go, eagerly anticipating Parker’s arrival. I was still feeling panicked from earlier and had barely managed to keep myself from the kitchen. He had insisted we ride together even though it meant he had to bring me back here in a few days to get my car. “I don’t mind,” he had said. “It’s totally worth the drive to get you to myself for a little while.”
I practically jumped at the knock on the door and ran to open it, relief flooding my body when I saw him. He barely got in the door before I tackled him in a hug so fierce that he had to brace himself.
“What’s this for?” he asked chuckling, as I held on for dear life. I breathed in his scent, so different from Jake’s, and just relished the feeling of comfort and warmth I felt in his arms. I didn’t want to let go, wanting instead to get lost in the peace he brought to me. I knew if I continued to hug him, he would start to ask questions, and I didn’t want to talk about the events of the morning, so I reluctantly released him.
“Nothing, I’m just happy to see you. That’s all.”
He kept his arms locked around me as he leaned down to kiss me. “Me too. Now lets get this show on the road before my mom starts blowing up my phone.”
He picked up my bag, and I shut the door, glancing back one last time at the apartment that had hours before felt like a prison, grabbing at me, trying to pull me back down into its pit. It looked different now, safe once again.
We pulled out of the parking lot and with each mile of distance between me and Winsor, I started to feel at ease, even excited about seeing Parker in his hometown.
He smiled at me and then got a childish grin on his face. “Ok, so I have a ritual on road trips that started way back when I was a kid…you think you