she demanded looking at me, and I had to smile. Issy could see right through me.
“Fine, but I should at least get a set of earrings out of it, since I had to sit through that nightmare with you.” I was totally kidding, but Issy perked up and reached back into her purse.
“I’ll do you one better. It’s all yours,” she offered, handing it to me with a smile on her face.
“Issy, I was kidding. I don’t want your money. That’s not why I went.”
“I know that. Take it anyway. I don’t want it. In fact, looking at it just makes me mad.” She was pushing the card on me, and I felt horrible, like I had just lessened the value of our friendship in some way.
“I’m not taking it. I went because I was your friend, and despite the horror of the day, I’d go again. Ok?”
She nodded and put the card down. Issy’s rebound time was typically no more than a few seconds, so she was back to her playful self before I could even take another bite of my cereal. Something about her face gnawed at me, though. I wanted to ask her probing questions, but I was all too aware of the time and that my Themo test was in less than two hours.
I put my dish in the sink and headed to my room to change, preparing my mind for the inevitable failure that I was about to embark on. Over the last two weeks, I had made great progress in recovering my status as a “reliable student” and was even praised by Dr. Davis’ grad student on the work I’d done in the lab. But as much as I tried, Thermo was just too far gone. Despite knowing that, I still spent six hours last night cramming as much information in my head as possible. I wouldn’t even let Parker near me, knowing full well he would do nothing but distract me. He feigned being hurt, but deep down I knew he couldn’t stand it when I was physically next to him, but mentally somewhere else.
I walked to class deflated, taking as much time as I could to get there. The worst ten minutes for me were right before the test was passed out. My stomach would start to flip and I would second-guess all my studying and convince myself I would fail. I would spend the next five minutes doing breathing exercises to relax myself. Thinking about it, it really was ridiculous how much pressure I put on myself to be perfect. No wonder I never measured up.
The air was chilly this morning, and my nose was already red and numb from its bite, but I still sat on a bench in front of the engineering school to wait it out. I didn’t want to get into class until exactly ten and still had twenty minutes to kill. I looked around, watching each student as they passed by. Most looked as stressed as I was feeling, but some were laughing and chatting in groups, comparing answers or arguing about how to solve a problem.
I started to wonder if each of their lives were as complicated as mine, if they struggled like I did to fit in or feel self-assured. I looked especially at the girls and wondered if any of them had made themselves throw up like I did last night just to settle the panic of a failing grade. I shook my head, not wanting to revisit the fact that I had thrown away weeks of progress because of one moment of weakness. I looked down at my watch again. My time was up…let’s get this over with.
“So, how did it go?” Parker asked as he sat on the grass next to me. I had just finished my test, and it was as miserable as I had expected it to be. I was lying in our favorite spot in the quad, trying to stop myself from rethinking every problem. I opened my eyes to look at him tenderly. He was so handsome, and just seeing his face relaxed me. I reached up to pull him close to me and kissed him.
“That well, huh?” he asked smiling, taking the opportunity to smother my neck with kisses and tickle me.
“No, it was awful!” I said through my laughter, trying unsuccessfully to push his hands off me. “STOP!”
He finally did and then propped up on his elbow, so we were face to face. He was