pretty much made his life hell for a few weeks. Her mom didn’t
give a damn but Marroney did. Julia tried to stifle the sob that she felt coming on, but was powerless against it. The last few days, she had
felt completely abandoned. Dave felt like he’d just disappeared from
her life, and as for her mom, Julia wasn’t even sure she had ever been
there. But now, looking at Marroney, who seemed not frightened or
uncomfortable with her breakdown, but concerned, Julia realized that
if she was alone, it was her own damn fault. She’d closed herself off
from everyone but Dave, and this was what she got for it.
Sinking into the pillows around her, Julia let loose. She covered her
face with her palm, tasting tears, struggling to breathe normally. “Song for Zula” by Phosphorescent was playing through the earphone she
still had in. It was a fitting song; it made her heaving gasps for breath feel justified.
She could have reached out to her dads, or maybe even to Brett,
or to the dozen other people who’d surprised her in quiet ways since
the Nevers began. Apparently, she could even have reached out to
Marroney, who was maybe a perfectly cliché math teacher, but had
heart enough to ask her if she was okay. Her mom would probably
282 NEVER ALWAYS SOMETIMES
make fun of him like Julia had, but her mom was kind of an asshole,
and Julia was done wanting to be like her.
By the time the song played out, Julia had regained some control. She
looked up at Marroney, who did not look frightened or uncomfortable.
“No,” she said finally, chuckling to keep something else from taking
over again. “I’m not okay. I guess I wasn’t hiding it too well.”
“I only started worrying when you stopped joking around.” He
shifted his weight, putting a foot up against the wall and struggling
not to lose his balance. “And just now, I guess.”
“Maybe I just ran out of material,” she said.
“If that ever happened, I’d really be worried about you.”
“I will take that as a compliment.” Julia removed her second
earphone and wrapped the cord carefully around her phone, slipping
it in her bag and knowing that it would be a knotted mess when she
pulled it back out. “You really want to know?”
“Please.”
Julia wiped her cheeks dry. “You remember the only guy at the
Broken Bean who was more embarrassed than you were by my
performance?”
“Dave. Your friend.”
“Yeah, my friend.” She sighed and brought her knees up to her
chest, hugging them close for comfort. “The gist of it is, I’m in love
with him and it’s not going to work out.”
Marroney nodded, looking down at his lap. He ran his forefinger
and thumb over his mustache. “It’s always hard to tell whether you
DAVE & JULIA 283
kids are bored or in love. I guess it’s about fifty-fifty, but I can’t ever tell.
I figure that most of the time I’m over-romanticizing, since I was your
age when I met my fiancée.”
Julia felt a flush of embarrassment that she hadn’t even paused to
consider Marroney’s personal life when she did all those things to
“seduce” him. “I hope she didn’t see the cupcakes.”
“Oh, worse than that, she was at the coffee shop.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He seemed to consider this for a second and then shook
his head. “It’s not okay. But, you know. Don’t worry about it. Tell me
more about Dave.”
Julia rested her head back against the wall. “Typical high school
drama. Love unrequited, other women, sex on the beach.” She felt
herself blushing immediately. “Sorry.”
Marroney chuckled through his own blushing. “I’ve gotten good at
taking what you say with a grain of salt, so we’ll pretend that was just a joke. Let’s stick to the emotions and leave out physical descriptions.”
“I don’t know what to say. The emotions are not good.”
Julia looked over Marroney’s shoulder at the always-blue sky, slightly
tinged this morning by a few streaks of dark fog clouds coming in from
the bay. She rested her cheek on the top of her knees. Julia hadn’t ever felt nauseated by sadness before. “I don’t know how you can be best
friends with someone for so long, be in love with each other, and have
things fall apart so quickly.”
Marroney nodded. He leaned back against the counter, his legs
284 NEVER ALWAYS SOMETIMES
stretched out in front of him, a large coffee stain on his pants. A quiet moment passed, and Julia thought that maybe he had nothing else
to say. She closed her eyes and thought of Dave in homeroom, not
listening to music the way they always did, thought of their literal
lack of connection, the days it had been since the white cord of her
earphones had stretched