only pride at Julia’s cleverness. There was
a certain letting go within him, like something inside his chest was
literally relaxing its grip. It was time to appreciate everything about
Julia without fretting about what she couldn’t provide.
Apparently, Marroney didn’t feel the same way. As Julia continued
her performance, Marroney leaned over to whisper something to the
redheaded woman sitting next to him, then grabbed his blazer off the
back of his chair and squeezed past the people in his row, his cheeks
a bright shade of red.
“And if—” She stopped as soon as she saw him leaving the
coffee shop, and immediately her shtick fell away. She dropped the
microphone to her side and bit her bottom lip. “Dammit,” she said.
Then she shrugged and tucked the microphone back into its stand.
96 NEVER ALWAYS SOMETIMES
As she hopped off the stage, the crowd, confused at the abrupt
ending, broke out into scattered applause. “Get that look off your
face, David O’Neal Macbeth. He’ll be mine in the end.”
“You know what, Julia, I don’t doubt it. He’d be a fool not to take
the opportunity.”
Julia laughed, then grabbed her Ecuadorean bag from the back of
the chair she’d been sitting in. “When you say it like that, it actually sounds gross.” Julia slung her bag over her shoulder. “I know it’s a
weeknight but you wanna have a sleepover? Feeling pretty good right
now.”
“Always.”
“Actually gonna Skype with my mom, too. You can say hi.”
“Wow, moving up to Skype dates, huh?”
Julia couldn’t contain her smile. Dave understood more than
anything Julia’s affection for her mom, though as long as he’d known
her that affection had been tinged with disappointment, with longing.
He could see the way it colored everything she did. The Nevers list
had been written with her in mind, he knew, and it was now being
acted out for her. Like a girl at the edge of the pool, refusing to dive in until Mommy looked, Julia wanted her mom’s attention. He would
never say anything like that out loud. But it made him protective of
Julia, of the next disappointment her mom would inevitably deliver.
While Dave had nuggets of bittersweet memories of his own mom to
return to and occasionally talk about with his dad—the day they’d
all gone to the harbor, rented a boat on a whim, the fine white mist
DAVE 97
of the ocean rising up the sides of the boat—Julia had nothing of her
mother to hold close. There was no past life that included her; there
was only the longing for her. It was the only thing she’d ever had.
Later that night, Julia set up her computer on the kitchen island,
chatting excitedly with her mom. Her mom had the same radiant blue
eyes as Julia, and her hair was mostly auburn, with the odd gray hair
shimmering in the light of her Mexico City living room. She wore a
silver ring in her nose, and every now and then a guy would cross the
room behind her, though she didn’t acknowledge his presence. Dave
stood by the fridge, rummaging through mounds of Tupperware,
opening each one, taking a taste, then leaving a Post-it for Tom and
Ethan with his thoughts.
“What’s with the hair, Jules?”
“You like it?” Julia said, tugging a tress down in front of her face.
“I did it ironically. We did Dave’s hair, too, but it turned out not so
well.” She went on to explain the Nevers, all they’d done for it and
all that was still to do. Dave listened, wincing at the naked longing
in Julia’s voice, hoping that Julia’s mom wouldn’t disapprove, because
he didn’t want Julia to lose interest. For whatever reason, without the
Nevers Dave pictured things with Gretchen fizzling out, a return to
normalcy that no longer included anyone outside him and Julia.
“Where are those fathers of yours? I wanna say hi,” Julia’s mother
cut in, without any comment on the Nevers. Dave watched Julia try
to hide the disappointment that, for him, was so clear to see. “I miss
their faces. Plus, I have a little proposition for them.”
“They’re out. They’ve been stressed ’cause of restaurant stuff,
98 NEVER ALWAYS SOMETIMES
so they went out to watch a movie and have ice cream. What’s the
proposition? I’m pretty much the head of the household anyway.”
Julia’s mom’s laugh was throaty; it sounded like a few decades’
worth of cigarette smoke. “Very well, then, head of the household.
I’m thinking about coming to visit.”
“Fuckin’ do it!” Julia said, her mood bouncing back immediately.
Her legs started jittering, as if she were trying to keep the excitement offscreen.
“Nothing’s for sure yet. But I miss the Bay Area and there are some
events on the West Coast this summer that I want to go to. I figured
that, if it was okay