stood frozen, his eyes downcast. “I don’t want my grades to
drop too much, Jules. UCLA can pull my scholarship.”
“They’re not gonna drop, Dave.” She took a few steps back toward
him. A group of girls sneered at them as they walked by and though
Julia had no idea who they were, she had that sudden rush of guilt
that had been seizing her lately, that I-broke-up-Dave-and-Gretchen
guilt. “Come on. Your grades are fine.” She put a hand on his side and
pulled herself to him, raising up on her toes to kiss him gently. “Your
girlfriend wants to do stuff with you.”
The second bell rang out, and the sound of doors shutting echoed
down the hallway. Dave attempted a smile, but his eyes went over her
shoulder, toward the one place she wanted to get away from. “I’m sorry.
I think we have a quiz today.” Now he initiated a kiss, but it had the
distinct taste of a kiss good-bye.
Before, when Julia had dreamed about love, this is what it looked
like:
Like two sprinters making their way around a track. Spurts of
energy followed by collapsing into a heap on the ground. Sweaty arms
laid across chests, big, gulping breaths of air. Love traveled, it ran, it covered ground, eager to see more, do more. It was two people keeping
pace with each other.
DAVE & JULIA 263
OFF
DAVE SAT WITH Julia in homeroom, connected to her by the white
cord of Julia’s earphones. They hadn’t said anything yet, though they’d
smiled hello at each other, noticed the matching circles beneath their
eyes. Dave was looking at the calendar on the wall, trying to recall
exactly when things had happened. The day they’d found the Nevers,
the hair dying fiasco, Julia’s slam poem. It had felt like ages had gone by, but it had only been a matter of weeks.
Without warning, the Jell-O feeling had returned. Maybe because
they’d crossed off almost all the Nevers. It was only 8:06 in the morning and there were six hours left watching that clock and silently begging
teachers not to make him do too much. The second hand came into
focus, and it moved glacially. There were still four weeks of school left, and the way it was going he had no idea if his life could handle that.
Fourteen years of schooling, and the weight of every single day was
suddenly compressed into this one homeroom period. He looked over
at Julia, who was breathing softly, eyes closed. There was something
keeping him from going over and unburdening the desperation with
her, the way he’d always done. He didn’t know how to behave around
her at school anymore, like there was some sort of fuzz between the
two of them that kept things from being exactly how they always had
been.
Only a tick or two had gone by. Every second carried with it an entire
lifetime of academic obligations, even if at this particular moment he
was just sitting there listening to music. There was so much of it still left, time in school, it never ended, never moved. Dave was going to die within four walls just like these, wasn’t he?
Dave pulled out his earphone, whispered, “Bathroom,” and walked
out of class, trying to calm himself down. He reminded himself that
there were only four weeks left of school, and right away he knew that
this wasn’t about school at all. This was about Julia. Something was
wrong.
If he could put his finger on it he’d instantly flick the thing away,
whatever it was. Because it was pesky and stupid and small. But things
just didn’t add up. They still laughed. The kissing was incredible.
They’d always spent the majority of their time together, so it wasn’t
like it was weird to suddenly be in bed all afternoon with her.
Dave got himself a drink of water, lingered by the fountain for as
long as he could, then went back to class. Julia’s head was still on her desk, the earphone he’d pulled out dangling over the edge of the table.
For once, Ms. Romero had the bulletin board up and the attention
of a handful of kids. Taking his place beside Julia again, Dave made
sure to keep his eyes off the clock. He took the earphone but kept it
in his hand, fiddling with the cord as he pretended to listen to Ms.
Romero go on about whatever. Then he looked down at Julia, whose
DAVE & JULIA 265
eyes were open, fixed on him. He smiled and brought the earphone up,
and when she simply closed her eyes again the feeling that something
was wrong came back.
AP Chem, right before lunch. Ever since the beach, Dave had been
sitting at the front of the class, keeping his back turned the entire
period