bad.
“Just. You know. Take a guess. When their faces are about to touch
would be a good time.” She looked around for Brett. “Did you get a
confetti shooter?”
“Get the fuck out of here.”
“I’m kidding. You have the rose petals?”
“Right here.” He pointed at two buckets on either side of the car,
filled to the brim.
“Perfect. You get one; I’ll get the other. Wait until they kiss.”
They stood at opposite sides of the car, looking out in the direction
of the mall. The band kids were quiet, too, used to remaining silent
until their cue. For a long time, Julia could only see the lights of the mall, the faint green of trees that lined the road to it from the harbor.
She could hear the ocean, and the sound of cars on the highway. Her
knuckles hurt from how hard she was gripping the bucket, and for a
JULIA 211
second she closed her eyes and wished for this whole thing to fail, for
Gretchen to admit that she was not interested in Dave in the least,
that she’d been faking it, just like Julia and Dave had faked their way
through most of the Nevers.
Then Dave and Gretchen stepped out from the shadows, smiles
plastered on both of their faces. Julia turned and motioned for the
orchestra to begin playing. Even Julia couldn’t help but smile as the
couple came closer. She could see exactly when Gretchen read the
writing on Julia’s car, and she hoped that the happiness in her eyes was real, because that’s what Dave deserved.
“Ha!” Gretchen cried out, beaming at the sound of the string section
getting louder. “Guns N’ Roses!” She turned to face Dave and threw
her arms around his neck. “You are insane. A crazy rose serenading me
with clichés.”
“I had help.” Dave shrugged, glancing at Julia, tearing her heart
apart just like that, then wrapping his arms around Gretchen’s waist.
“Is that a yes?”
“I would have said yes at the first rose.”
As the music crescendoed, Julia threw fistfuls of shredded rose
petals into the air, using the shower of red and white as an excuse to
avert her eyes. This was how she could love Dave. From exactly this
distance. Within sight but apart. Cheering him on, providing whatever
happiness she could provide for him. As his best friend.
212 NEVER ALWAYS SOMETIMES
ROAD TRIPPOSAL
HOMEROOM, AS USUAL, was more or less a shit show. Ms. Romero
was checking her Facebook when Julia walked in with her tardy slip
in hand. Dave was on his feet with a smile on his face, chatting with
Jenny Owens and that guy that always smelled like cheese. Julia waved
and kept her earbuds in, but Dave still sidestepped backpacks and
chairs to come over and give her a wordless high five before returning
to whatever conversation he was having.
Julia laid her head on her desk, trying to sleep but mostly watching
Dave. She hadn’t managed to fall asleep the night before. At first it’d
been the adrenaline of executing the plan so well. But even after her
eyelids felt swollen with tiredness, her mind was a flurry of thoughts.
Nothing too obvious like being heartbroken. More like a bunch of
little things, debris caught in a tree after a storm. What her mom
was like in high school, whether she would have done something as
cliché as love her best friend silently, whether she was finally going to come. Whether anyone would ever know about all the Nevers, or if in
a few months her college friends would have no idea that this period
of her life had ever existed. She wondered if there was some sort of
expiration date to her friendship with Dave as she knew it, if it was
possible that it had already passed.
The bell rang out and everyone gathered their belongings and took
their conversations to the hallways, where girls were taking selfies and a couple of jock types were throwing granola bars at each other, picking them up only to reload and shoot again. When the game lost its fun,
they left the crumbled remains on the ground like spent ammunition.
Julia followed Dave and they wordlessly tossed the mess in the trash.
Then they went to his locker, where he replaced one of the binders in
his backpack with a different binder that was hidden under piles of
loose-leaf paper.
“Hey, I’ve got a surprise for you.”
“Thanks for softening the blow by announcing that a surprise will
be coming.”
“Why do I even talk to you in the mornings?”
“Because despite your new position as the center of attention, you
still crave the intimacy of someone who really gets you, and only I fill that role?”
“Deep.”
Julia laid her head against the row of lockers. “These should be lined
with pillows.”
Dave rummaged through his