at my chance with Zack, and the fact that I had held her back, and she’d done it willingly. It’s too much to process before I finish my first cup of coffee.
“I’m thinking about it. But if you stay here, I don’t know if I can leave you here alone.”
“I’m thinking you’ve put your life on hold for me long enough Mia.”
“I’m thinking you’ve put your own life on hold long enough. What are you going to do about the album?”
“Crap, I don’t know. It sounds fun. Insanely stupid at the same time. What if I totally suck?”
“You won’t. You’re too damn good.”
“What do I do?” I turn my head to the left towards the house as I hear the sliding door open right after I ask the question. Zack stands in the doorway, in cotton pajama pants hanging low on his hips and white tank undershirt, bare feet, messed up bedhead hair, holding a cup of coffee. He leans on the door frame and cocks his head at me. He looks delicious. He belongs in a museum for the whole world to admire his sculpted muscles and perfect physique. I take a moment and look him over, from head to toe unashamedly, relishing that it’s all mine. I smile and mouth ‘Mia’ while pointing at my phone. He nods and sits down on the chair next to me.
“Do you love him?” She asks me quietly.
“Yeah…” I let my voice trail off because I’m talking to Mia, but my mind is completely on the man in front of me. The same man who loves me and wants me and wants to live with me.
“And you want to be with him?”
“Yeah, I do.” My lips turn up in a slow smile as I continue watching Zack. He looks at me with a raised eyebrow, silently questioning my conversation.
“And you want to do the album.”
I frown. “That’s not a question.”
“No. It’s a statement because I know you, and I know that even though you’re afraid, you want to do it because you’d love it. And I know once you get over your initial fear, you’ll be great and you’d kick yourself in the butt if you turned it down.”
“I…how do you….yeah….you’re right.” And darn it. She is. We’ve known each other since we were twelve. Thirteen years of friendship leaves little unknown between the two of us. Maybe I haven’t called her to talk me out of taking this enormous stupid leap of faith. Maybe I really just called to tell her what I was doing, but nonetheless, I need her approval.
Zack watches me as he drinks his coffee. I’m undressing him with my eyes because he just looks too good to be covered up like that. The way his lips twitch a bit tells me he knows exactly what I’m doing. He doesn’t seem to mind.
“And you want to move in with him. You’re just – again - scared.”
I sigh and smile lazily at Zack. Who is still staring at me with his head cocked to the side trying to figure out what we are discussing.
“Yeah. I think I do.” I say it so quietly I’m not even sure she hears me. But I’m still being stared at and it’s distracting me. Zack is distracting period.
“You’re staring at him aren’t you?”
“How do you know that?”
“Because you’re breathing heavy and I have a feeling you’re not breathing all sexily because you’re suddenly lusting after me.”
“You’re such a snot.”
“I know and you love me.”
“When do you move?” Zack’s eyebrows raise up.
She sighs. “I’m not sure. I have to accept it first. I’m thinking about trying to delay the start until the first of the year.”
Zack sets down his coffee mug and leans forward with his elbows on his knees, just staring at me. I can tell he’s slowly putting together the conclusion of what I’m asking Mia and I’m pretty sure he’s predicting another one of those crazy emotional freak outs on my part. Little does he know, I think I may actually be okay. The thought surprises even me. I’m a little scared of the album and moving, and all the changes this monumental decision will bring, but I love Zack. And this time, I know, it will be enough. It is more than enough.
Thick silence hangs between Mia and I for several minutes. I take my eyes off Zack and stare out into the ocean. So much is changing and it’s all happening so quickly. I wipe away a tear and