my arm around him and bring him the same comfort he brings to me. Instead, I stand back with Chloe just off to the side as the guys talk about what happened. Eventually, I can’t stop myself from going to him.
“What’s going on?” I ask Zack. His entire body is filled with tension.
“Ethan’s on drugs again.”
I open my mouth to say something and then close it again quickly. This explains the tension between the two of them and the glassy-eyed, distant and feral look in his eyes whenever he looks at me.
“I’m sorry.”
Zack leans forward in the chair and rubs his hands through his hair. I recognize this move as the first thing he does when he’s upset or frustrated.
“He was clean for a while, but I suspected he started using again shortly after the tour started. He’s good at hiding it, but…shit. This could totally screw us over.”
I follow him when he walks to Chase at the bar. Chase is scary when he’s pissed. I thought he was scary and intimidating the night I met him at the sound check. He’s so large, and muscular. He towers over all the other guys in the band. As I’ve spent more time around him, I’ve learned that he’s gentle. A gentle giant, really. But when he’s pissed, like he is now, I think he might be the scariest person in the world. I think if he wanted to, he could throw someone threw the glass windows facing the stadium.
“Jon called. He found Ethan passed out in his bunk, holding his stash.” Jon is the main driver on the bus. I don’t know if I’ve spoken more than a few words to him since we were introduced, but he comes across as a good guy. He’s older, almost as old as my dad and sometimes I’ve wanted to ask him how he can spend so much time around guys in their late twenties without losing his mind.
“What do we do?” I feel almost foolish wanting to laugh when I look at Jake as he asks the question. He’s not a Vikings fan. I’m not even sure he likes football all that much, but when I saw him walk into the suite dressed head to toe in purple and gold, I fell in love with him. In a completely brotherly way, of course. He’s the guy that keeps everything light-hearted. He relieves the stress in almost any situation, and it’s sobering now to see him so pissed off and concerned.
“I don’t know,” Zack says, roughly rubbing one hand through his hair. “Keep an eye on him and hope he hangs in there for the next few weeks. But when this tour is done he’s gone. I’m not putting up with his shit anymore.”
I have no idea what it’s like to spend so much time with people in such enclosed spaces. It must make them really close and I’ve noticed even in the last few days that he and Chase and Jake are more like brothers than just band members. But Zack is also their boss, he decides who plays with him, and I can only imagine that after having Ethan play and travel with him for the last few years, it’s difficult for him to even think of just letting him go.
I stay silent while the rest of the guys discuss what to do with Ethan for the next few weeks. Eventually, I go back to watching the game, but my head isn’t in it. I’m not even upset when the Vikings lose; badly.
***
“I’m really sorry about tonight.” Zack says to me when we reach the bus. Heaviness filled the suite after the news about Ethan and it didn’t leave for the rest of the night.
“Don’t apologize. You guys got some pretty bad news. I don’t mind. Really.” I rest my hand against his cheek.
Even with the bad news about Ethan, something changed in me during my day with Zack. I want to embrace the feeling of freedom I felt earlier at the game. I want to feel the closeness Zack and I experienced before the phone call. I just don’t know if this is the right time.
I enter the bus when Zack opens the door for me and start heading to my room. I want to say something…anything that will make him feel better about Ethan and what he learned today. I want to bring him comfort like he does to me.
He takes my hand in the kitchen and pulls me around