209.”
“Thank you Dr. Hassen.” Melody politely dismisses him with a polite, but sad smile. As the door shuts behind him, a collective sigh rings through our small crowd. I feel the tension in the room decrease by a power of ten as we all look to one another.
“He’s going to be just fine. Like I said, Zack’s too stubborn and strong for this to be nothing more than a small setback.” Melody’s voice is quiet but confident.
Like hell it’s a small setback, I think. Fortunately I have some manners and keep the thought to myself as I turn towards her.
“Do you mind?” I realize she hasn’t even seen her son and yet I was the one who asked to see him. It’s completely selfish of me, I know. Fortunately, everyone in the room understands why it’s so important to me. Thank god.
She simply nods at me. “Go ahead.”
Mia pulls me onto my feet. “I’ll walk with you.” Her words leave no room for argument, although even if I had the energy to argue I wouldn’t have. I need her too much.
***
Nothing could have prepared me for what I see in Zack’s hospital room. I try to brace myself before entering the room, taking a few deep breaths so my nerves won’t get the best of me, but none of it matters once I stand in the doorway. His left leg sits above the bed sheet, covered by a temporary cast that runs up past his knee. His face, at least the part I can see not covered in bandages, ranges in colors from pink to purple to black. I falter immediately and feel Mia’s arm steadying me. Slowly I take in the surroundings of his room. It’s a standard stark white hospital room overcrowded with machines that beep and drip at opposing intervals almost creating their own creepy music.
I take the chair on the left side of the room and push it up to his bed. I can’t see Mia. I don’t know if she’s in the room with me or waiting in the hall, and I don’t even think to look. All I see is Zack, the man I love, the man who has opened me up to the possibility of ever being able to love again, laying their motionless. His comforting, sensual expressions are completely gone, leaving the look of a man who is peacefully dreaming.
I want to crawl into those dreams instead of living the nightmare that has become my life once again. I take hold of his right hand and lay my head down on it. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if it even matters if I speak, if he can hear me at all. It’s one of the few very moments in my life when I have absolutely no clue what to do or say. I am paralyzed with fear.
Then I begin to cry. Tears fall silently as I hold him gingerly, afraid to cause him any more pain. The doctor may say he is going to be just fine, but until I see it with my own two eyes I can’t believe him. I close my eyes, smelling Zack’s hand and kissing it simultaneously. Even with the prevalent smell of sanitized hospital sheets and air, I can still smell his clean and masculine scent that always draws me closer. I breathe deeply. Minutes later, but still crying, I feel Mia’s tender hand on my shoulder.
“It’s been five minutes, Nic. We need to leave.”
I can’t leave him. I am too terrified I will never see him again if I leave. I’m terrified something even more dreadful, something I don’t want to think about, will happen if I am somewhere else.
“I can’t,” I gasp through my tears.
When a nurse comes to the door and murmurs something about our time being up, Mia slowly stands me up. I keep my gaze on Zack’s hand the entire time. It’s the only part of his body I can see that isn’t injured. It looks completely perfect; even with his fingers callused from strumming a guitar. I think about how those rough hands felt when they moved against my body just a week ago. And I think of how badly I want them on me now. How badly I need them on me to erase all my fears and pain like only Zack can do.
“We can see him in the morning.” I don’t even nod in response. I know I have to leave, but it’s the