of all I have lost and wondering if I’ll ever really be able to move on.
Chapter Four
The seats Zack gave us are in the very front row just to the right of center stage. Mia about fainted when she saw them. When the opening band, The Samson Brothers, takes the stage, I internally fight with myself to stay in the moment. I want to enjoy the moment. Soak up the sounds of the crowd and the beating in my chest from music I don’t recognize, but all I can think about is Mark.
We would jam out to the music and dance around our house being completely ridiculous. The memories flash through my mind and bring a smile to my face. He would want me to do this. I shock myself at the thought, but I know it’s true. Mark was full of life and brought joy to everyone who knew him. There is nothing he hated more than seeing people wallow in self-pity. Life is too short to be sad he would say when I asked him how he could always be smiling, regardless of what kind of day he’d had.
And I get it; finally.
He’d want me to grieve, but not at the expense of being as miserable and scared as I’ve been the last year. Nothing would disappoint him more. I smile as I think of him and his dark eyes filled with humor and mischief at our first concert. He would want me to live my life with the same passion we always did. And somehow, I realize I want it. I want to be able to dance and smile and not feel the weight of the grief pressing down on my chest so tightly it hurts to breathe.
I close my eyes, wanting to see him smiling down on me encouraging me to move forward; to be brave. To stop counting the days of misery but start looking forward to what life has in store for me. Except it’s not a set of dark brown eyes I see. Instead, a pair of light green eyes wink at me. I feel a smile tease at the corner of my lips.
I open my eyes to some song I don’t recognize, but I can feel the excitement and energy in the crowd. I feel a freedom, suddenly, from realizing that Mark would want me here, living like we always used to. Soon, I’m lost in the music with everyone else and as I dance – for the first time in sixteen months – I see Mia smiling at me happily and proudly.
Once the stage lights lowers and the opening band exits the stage, Mia grabs my arm while flashing all her bright white teeth in an enormous smile.
"This is amazing, Nic!!! Can you actually believe I'm here!? And in the first row!" She claps her hands and jumps up around with glee.
Before I can respond to her, a low rumble against my feet drags my attention to the low reverberating beat of a bass drum on the stage. It’s completely dark, and even though I can’t see him yet, I imagine Chase at the back of the stage, bandana wrapped around his head, rhythmically tapping the kick drum pedal. The wild sound of the crowd chanting and cheering takes me so off guard I cover my ears for a second. Removing them, I turn back to the stage as Zack and the rest of his band move into their positions, the lights slowing increasing.
Between the insane way the crowd is acting to this guy’s presence on stage, and the overwhelming noise, I don't think I could move even if I wanted to. My feet are plastered into cement weights at my ankles and attached to the floor beneath me.
Zack strolls to the microphone, guitar slung over his shoulder, and raises his arms while smiling, showing a full mouth of perfectly white teeth.
"Hello, Minneapolis, how are you tonight!" He calls into the microphone with a perfectly lopsided grin, setting the crowd on fire all over again, the floor rumbling beneath me. Next to me, Mia grabs my arm and jumps and screams along with everyone else. I do nothing except stand there, still frozen in place, and look at the man on stage.
He looks good; really good. He’s wearing faded and slightly ripped jeans and a vintage looking black Rolling Stones shirt that stretches across his chest perfectly, not leaving anything to the imagination about how his body looks beneath it.
I watch