ratted from sleeping on it. I brush my hair, remove my make-up and after a quick flicker of blush across my cheeks, I realize it doesn’t matter how I look. I’m going to look just as bad, if not worse, by the time I’m done.
I answer my phone when I hear Mia’s ring tone spark to life in my kitchen.
“Hey,” I say solemnly. It’s just been that kind of day.
“Are you okay?” Of course she would notice immediately, and not let it pass.
“Yeah. Sort of. I’m on my way out, what’s up?” I don’t tell her where I’m going. I spent so much time at the cemetery after they were buried, my parents and Mia started keeping track of how often I went so I wasn’t there crying every day. I got a lot better as the months went by, allowing myself one trip a week, but there’s something different about today, and I don’t want her knowing.
She sounds cautious when she speaks again. “You left something on the bus. Chase sent it to me.” I rack my brain trying to think of anything I haven’t been able to find since I unpacked. Whatever it is can’t be that important because I haven’t been missing anything.
“Can’t it wait?”
“No. It really can’t. Just meet me downstairs in five minutes, okay?” She hangs up before I can answer.
I kill a few minutes, taking longer than necessary to pull on my boots and find my scarf and my winter coat. It’s fall, mid-November, and so cold today I feel like it could snow at any moment. I don’t care how cold it is though, I have to see them.
I gasp when I enter the lobby and see Mia. Behind her, standing as tall and handsome as ever in his backwards baseball cap, leather jacket and fitted jeans, is Zack.
I don’t realize I have frozen completely until Mia steps towards me. I don’t watch her though because I haven’t been able to take my eyes off Zack. He looks exhausted. A couple days of growth on his face prevents me from being able to see all of him, but I can tell he looks like crap. I wonder how much of it is from the tour ending, the drama with Ethan, and how much is from me not being there.
Mia walks up directly in front of me, her face filled with worry. “You look like shit. Are you okay?”
No, I’m not okay. I just had a morning from hell, emotionally, and I’m completely drained. The last people I wanted to see today are standing right in front of me and I have no idea why.
Or, maybe they’re not the last people I want to see? Maybe they are the people I want and need to see as much as possible.
I just don’t know any more about Zack, and how he fits. I shake my head to clear my thoughts.
“I saw Natalie Linscum today.” I still haven’t been able to peel my eyes away from Zack. I know he can’t hear me. I watch him jump a little bit though when Mia gasps next to me and grabs my arm. She tugs on me gently, but I can’t remove my eyes from the man who is so sad, and standing, suddenly, too far away from me.
He looks like he wants to walk towards me to comfort me, but is uncertain at best. I wonder if I look the same way to him, because that’s exactly how I feel right now.
I’m simply a mess of uncertainty, but yet calmed with his presence, even if he’s out of my reach.
“What? Why?” I somehow tear my gaze from Zack when she asks. I see her off to my side look back to Zack and then to me. “Crap. If I would have known…”
I rest my other hand on top of hers that is still holding onto mine. “It’s okay, Mia.”
My voice is just above a whisper, but sounds stronger than I have felt in a week. I know it’s because Zack is here, eyeing me with the same passion he did before I left. And he’s just waiting; patiently, like he always does for me.
I love him.
I begin to feel it flow in me and through me and maybe even out of me, reaching out to him. Slowly, I’m able to tear my gaze away from his, for just a split second and to Mia.
“I’m okay. I’ll tell you about it later. But first,” I say and turn