you’re not as miserable as everyone else here.”
She scoffs. “You know nothing about me, Seb. Don’t pretend you do. And if you’re looking for pussy, look elsewhere, because I’m not interested. One Savage is more than enough for me.”
I laugh, caught off guard by how blunt she is. “Believe me, I’m not interested.”
We sit in silence, and I know I should go. I don’t know if it’s all the alcohol thrumming through my system that convinces me to stay, but for whatever reason, I stay beside her.
“Do you think I’m a bad person?” she asks, as she stares out at the trees ahead of us. The moon gleams down, casting a silver glow around us.
I glance at her out of the corner of my eye, and I realize she’s crying again. The moon crystalizes the tear tracks on her face. “No, I don’t.”
“Then why do I feel like I am?” she chokes out, turning to face me, and for some reason, seeing the pain in her eyes, starts to eat away at the numbness coursing through my body. There’s so much pain hiding behind her gaze, it’s hard to look at.
“Call it intuition, I guess.” I shrug. “Whatever it is, Madison, you’re not a bad person. You’re just lost. I think we all are. Alma Perdida.”
“What does that mean?” she asks, sniffling.
I push to my feet, getting ready to leave. The last thing I want to do is keep Benedict Pierce waiting. “It means Lost Soul. And I think there’s a lost soul in all of us.”
With that, I turn, wading through the stray branches and pushing through the trees. My feet skid to an abrupt halt at the sound of her voice. “You’re a good guy, Sebastian. Sometimes I think you’re the only decent human left here in this fucking town.”
My jaw locks. “I’m not a good guy. And I probably never will be.”
“Can you do me a favor?”
I raise a brow, waiting for her to go on. “If something bad happens, can you protect her?”
Hesitating, I scratch at the back of my neck, suddenly confused. What the hell is she talking about, and how drunk am I?
“Protect who?”
“My sister.”
My frown deepens. “Why would you ask me that? Is she in danger?”
Madison shrugs. “No. I just…I don’t know.” She shakes her head, looking down at her feet. A shiver wracks her shoulders, and she wraps her arms around her body protectively. I glance around, trying to see if the trees are swaying, but there’s no breeze. It’s summer. There’s no way she can be cold. “You ever get the feeling that something bad is going to happen?” I shake my head, still not following. “I have that feeling, and I can’t shake it. I should probably stop drinking. Alcohol makes me paranoid. But it almost feels like…all the wrong I’ve done in my life, it’s finally coming for me, and I don’t know how to stop it.”
My phone vibrates incessantly in my pocket, and I know it’s my father. I blow out a sigh and try to put her mind at ease. “I gotta go, but you should stop drinking. Get some water and go home, Madison.”
I turn to leave but hear her mutter more to herself than to me. “I can’t. There are still things I have to do.”
I jolt awake, sweat clinging to my forehead after that dream. Guilt slams into my chest, just like it always does when I have this dream. Because there are so many what-ifs about that night. What if I stayed and helped her while she was upset? What if I made Simon give me and Madison a ride home that night? She would’ve been far away from the woods. Far away from the kissing rock. Far away from death.
After Simon gave me a ride, I met up with Trent and Marcus at the house, passing off bottles of alcohol for the rest of that night. I’ve thought about this moment countless times in my life. What if I had Simon drop me straight off with my parents? What if I never gave them alcohol that night? Maybe then they all would’ve been clearheaded.
I’m not a good man. I’ve done things, covered up things, that I wish I wouldn’t have. All that’s done over the years is eat at my soul. Make me push my emotions aside and brace the numbness. Brace the façade that I don’t care—that I don’t feel anything.
Pressing the heels of my palms into my eyes, I try