Nothing has ever felt more like home than it does right here. She buries her face into my chest, and I rest my head on top of hers, breathing in her scent. Tears spring to my eyes because, for the first time in forever, I’ve found that little shred of happiness I’ve been searching for endlessly. I have a home I can build with this sweet girl. I don’t care that my heart is broken. I don’t care that I wasn’t able to succeed. I have her, and that’s all that matters.
There’s only one thing missing from this moment, and I try not to dwell on the possibility of him never being able to be a part of it.
After Ava and I share our moment, I show her around the house. She takes everything in with wide eyes. She seems just as awe-inspired as I was when I got here. This isn’t just a regular house. This is a house I’d never have been able to realistically afford in my lifetime.
“I know this is going to be a little weird at first, but I want you to come to me for anything, okay? We can change anything you don’t like.”
She smiles, her eyes still darting around, taking it all in. Finally, she shifts, glancing back at me. Her gaze rakes me up and down, and she pauses on my hair.
“I like it.”
I smile. “Thank you. But I think yours is better.”
My heart skips a beat when she grins because, once again, it’s like staring into a mirror of the past. She’s so much like my sister and me when we were her age. “So, is it just us two?”
The smile on my face dims just a bit at the question. I work a swallow. “Yeah, sweetie. It is. Is that okay?”
She smiles, putting me at ease. “Yeah. Can we play in my room?”
I laugh, loving that she’s more interested in her room here than she is about anything else. We head down the hall to her room, and I let her gravitate toward whatever it is she wants. Baz had the room stocked with books, clothes, and all the necessities, along with a few extras, but I went the extra mile and added a few other staples I knew my nine-year-old self would never be able to live without. She surprises me entirely when she heads toward the coloring station. She waves me over, and with a swelling, happy sensation in my chest, I take my place next to her on the floor and get to coloring with her. She’s a natural artist and creative to boot.
I learn quite a bit about my adoptive daughter that night. She’s a lot more like me than I imagined she’d be.
Being a parent is hard. Over the past week of having Ava in my life, it’s been a major adjustment but in the best of ways. On top of trying to make her feel comfortable, I’ve been trying to bond with her, find out what all her likes and dislikes are. It’s safe to say dinner has been an odd occurrence. She doesn’t like meat or vegetables. Apparently, she never has, which likely explains why she’s so tiny.
She also loves drawing, singing, and dancing. And not to be biased, she’s a triple threat. Her moves can use some working on, but her voice? It’s amazing. The kid is talented. Hell, she even draws better than I do. My stick figures are nothing compared to her works of art.
It’s been a learning process, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. This is the absolute happiest I’ve been in…well, ever. I’d like to say I was this happy with Baz, but I wasn’t. There was too much secrecy surrounding my feelings for us to ever truly let go.
Along with bonding and spending time with each other, we’ve done some school shopping, and with the help of Baz, through Dan, I’ve picked out an elementary school for Ava. Though, I can tell Baz was pushing the idea of a private school for her, there was just no way I’d be able to afford that. And even though I know he’d throw his money around and pay for it, if I truly want to cut myself off from him, this is what I need to do. I can’t depend on him for everything.
Since signing the publishing contract, I’ve been sent the money from my advance with minimal instructions. At my earliest convenience, I am to write