advocating on my part, that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to sit through this interview with flying colors. I am coming into this with low expectations. Do I hope I will leave here with good news today? Absolutely. Is that going to be the case? I don’t think so.
Even with all the prepping I’ve done for today, Baz has still found a way to infiltrate my thoughts. He’s always there, like a gaping hole in my chest, a missing part of me. I keep telling myself it’s best to move on and find my happiness, just as he urged me to, but it’s not that simple. He was always a part of that equation, and without him as an option, I’m solely relying on Ava for that happiness, which probably isn’t any better.
I’ve thought it over a lot and wonder if this is a mistake. Would she even remember me? If taking her in does become an option, will she even want to? That is what I am most afraid of, more rejection. I’ve dealt with rejection my entire life. It isn’t new; it is something I’ve come to expect in all aspects and forms of my life. I just hope with Ava, things will be different.
Every night, I spend much more time than is deemed healthy looking up anything I can find on Baz. Any new articles that can tell me what he’s doing. Anything to help me feel close to him. I’m long past the point of feeling pathetic. I am the poster child for pathetic.
All my searches told me that he was in Bali for work. Reports were then quiet on him for a week after. It wasn’t until mid-last week that he was spotted making his rounds back in LA. I prepared my heart for the possibility of seeing him in photos with other gorgeous women, but in all of them, he’s always alone, wearing that severe expression on his face.
That confused me. Why wasn’t he out living his life? Wasn’t that what he wanted, me gone, so he could do as he wanted freely? That didn’t seem to be the case, which only left me with more questions.
My thoughts dissipate the second the door opens and in walks an older woman, wearing a professional smile and holding a stack of files. My stomach dips, anxiety causing sweat to trickle down my spine uncomfortably.
“Ms. Wright. It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Stacey Avalar.”
I stand and shake her hand, plastering on my best smile. Though I’m sure it comes off as more nervous than anything. “Likewise.”
“Most of the paperwork has been done, and the timeline of this process has been escalated, but as much as Mr. Kingston would like to throw around his money and pay outright for everything, adopting a child isn’t that easy. There are regulations, and I just want to make sure you’re a good fit for Ava. We appreciate the business and care Baz offers to the organization, so I’ve tried to expedite this process for you on his behalf.”
She starts opening her files, spreading out documents and pushing her glasses up her nose. I wring my clammy hands in my lap and actively try not to shake my leg. She starts by settling back in her chair and asking me questions.
“Sebastian has told me a bit about how you met Ava, but can you tell me more about the occasion?”
I clear my throat, my heart lurching at being put on the spot. Her eyes drill into me, just looking for a fault, so she can say no. “Well…” My voice shakes wildly, betraying just how nervous I am. “I attended the gala with Sebastian a few months ago, and I noticed Ava right away. She was so tiny next to the rest of the children there, and she looked so sad until she got a look at my dress. Her eyes lit up, and it was like watching her transform before my very eyes over a dress.” I smile fondly at the memory. “I decided to approach her. The attendant who was supposed to be watching the children at the table seemed more preoccupied by her phone, so I went over and asked if I could talk to Ava for a bit.” Her lips purse, obviously not liking how easy it was for a stranger to walk away with one of her girls.
“Do you do this often? Walk off with children?”
My stomach cramps. “No. God, no. I guess I just…when I