looked at Ava, I thought of my sister. I had a twin who…” I pause, trying to word the circumstances surrounding my sister’s death correctly. “She passed away while we were in high school. When I saw Ava, I saw my sister, and it made me miss her. I longed to protect Ava, to see her smile just a little longer, because I’d do anything to see my sister smile again.”
I sniff back the pressure that’s suddenly building in my sinuses. Mrs. Avalar looks down, shuffling her papers, and when she looks back up, her eyes are much redder than they were when she walked in.
“You realize taking on a child is a huge responsibility. This isn’t a game of dress-up. This isn’t a coping mechanism for the loss of your sister. This is a life. A human being looking for a family that will love her.”
I nod. “I may not have the perfect family or the perfect background, but I know if given the chance, I can be an incredible parent to Ava, if she wants me. For years, I’ve gone around feeling lost, but I think I’ve finally found my place, and that’s here, offering my love to someone unconditionally. Caring for someone because I want to, not because I expect anything in return. I’d like nothing more than to do that for Ava, to bring a smile to her face every day, and give her the life she deserves.”
She nods after my speech, making a note of something before we move on to the next portion of the interview.
“Now, normally, we’d do this in multiple sessions, but I think we can knock all of this out today. Are you up for some quick quizzes?”
After three separate quizzes and a handful of questions later, Mrs. Avalar sits back and smiles at me with a softness that wasn’t there in her eyes when she first walked in.
“I think you’re going to be a perfect fit for Ava.”
My heart gallops at her words, and my emotions overwhelm me. I place a trembling hand over my lips, trying to hold myself together. Mrs. Avalar blinks rapidly, clearing her own emotion out of her eyes. “Listen, we’re not officially finished yet. Now, all we have left is the home visit, and once your psych and health evaluations come back, we’re set. If approved, Ava will finally have a place to call home.”
“Thank you.”
She shakes her head. “It takes a special kind of person to love a child who isn’t their own, so thank you for offering to love Ava as if she’s yours. I’ll be in touch very soon, Ms. Wright.”
When I step out of the building, my first instinct is to call Baz and tell him the good news. I want to gush to him, tell him how nervous and excited I am. I want his advice. I want him to tell me everything is okay, but I can’t do any of that.
Instead, I settle on calling Kat and Vera. With tears of happiness streaming down my face, I tell them I’m going to be a mom.
I stand off to the side of the doorway, wringing my hands in front of my body, as I wait and try to be patient. Worry starts to claw at my chest. I wonder if maybe they decided not to go through with it after all. Maybe this wasn’t meant to be.
The second Ava walks through the door, and her bright little eyes fall on me, all my previous thoughts and worries fall away. My chest constricts, and for the first time in years, I feel complete. I watch it happen, the moment she processes this—her future. Her eyes widen and warmth fills my chest at the look of wonder and awe plastered all over her face.
Yes, I remembered, sweet girl.
Unexpectedly, Ava runs to me and throws herself in my arms, and right here, holding this sweet little girl against me who hasn’t had the best of life, I vow I’m going to give her my all. I make a promise to myself that I’ll give her the life I never had, filled with moments of happiness. Not heartbreak, anger, or retribution, just happiness. Things in my life may not have been perfect, but with Ava, I can give her what I wasn’t given. I can give her a good life, one she deserves.
I bend down, taking her into my arms. This feeling, this little girl in my arms, nothing has ever felt more right.