doesn’t hurt to try. So long as I leave all the pain in the past. All it’s ever brought my life is destruction.
Madison is right. It’s time to leave it in the past.
I cross my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling defensive. “Why are you helping me? You should hate me. Especially after what happened tonight.”
Baz chuckles. The sound is dark and raspy, and it hits me in places it shouldn’t. “Oh, I do. But there’s some sick part of me that loves you more.”
My heart skids to an abrupt halt, and my stomach dips at his words. The foundation shifts, and I clutch onto the chaise for support. I open my mouth, wanting to apologize and throw myself into his arms, but I remember why we can’t. Why I can’t.
This doesn’t change anything. He still wants to cut me loose. And maybe he’s right. Maybe it is time to let go, even though the thought alone makes me sick to my stomach. I love him. I probably always will, but Baz and I are a beautiful disaster when we’re together.
“I…I don’t even know what to say,” I mumble, clearing the emotion out of my voice.
He pushes to his feet, rising to his formidable height. “Don’t say anything,” he replies coldly, leaving me. “I’ll take care of it, if that’s what you want.”
Just when he’s about to leave, I call out to him. He pauses but doesn’t turn to look back at me. And even though I know I shouldn’t, I say, “Thank you, Baz.”
His shoulders stiffen, and he turns to look at me. With a cold, detached look over his shoulder, I watch the tic in his jaw. “Don’t. I’m not doing this for you.”
Anger simmers just below my gut. “Who are you doing it for then, if not me?” Everything about his actions suggest otherwise. This is most definitely for me.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
He leaves without another word, and the second the door shuts behind him, I crumble, finally able to breathe without his presence dominating the room, practically stealing the air from my lungs.
I try to get used to the sensation of not having him around. The thought alone makes my heart twinge.
True to his word, I get the meeting with the orphan organization. I try to refrain from fidgeting in the office, as I wait to hear from Ava’s caseworker. I’m feeling antsy, nervous, and I can’t stop smoothing my hand over my hair, trying to make sure I look presentable.
If all goes right, I’ll be leaving here with a child. Well, not that quickly, but I’ll be that much closer. I’ll have the opportunity to change and make Ava’s life better. I can only hope it turns out that way. I don’t want to screw this up like I do with everything else in my life.
Today marks three weeks since I’ve last seen or heard from Baz. Any form of communication is made between Dan or his new assistant, Matthew. I give a silent thanks that he had enough sense to choose someone other than a woman as his new assistant. In that time, I’ve gone through the phases of my emotions, and now, all I’m truly left feeling is numb.
I’ve tried to stay busy with the house. He had most of it furnished, but left the little things to me, my own touches in my home. Something I never thought I’d have the opportunity to say, let alone have the opportunity to do. Technically, it doesn’t really feel like my own home because I didn’t pay for it. It is still hard to process that it is, indeed, in my name, and I do, in fact, own this property.
Dan even helped me start the process of child-proofing the home. Though Ava isn’t a toddler I needed to worry about getting into odds and ends around the house, there were still things that needed to be done. Baz mentioned to Dan that the state would likely want to see that I am capable of caring for a child. That meant a courtyard shielding our house, an alarm system, and a gate surrounding the pool in the backyard.
The house is as safe as it’s going to get, and I know everything about the next phase rests solely on my shoulders. It’s obvious they know about my past, and I know they’re going to take it all into consideration. Though Dan assured me that Baz has pulled a lot of strings and has done plenty of