her blood results, stating what factors are of concern. I would suggest buying her a medical alert bracelet, in case anything like this happens again, when either of you aren’t around. It’s rare, nowadays, that doctors aren’t able to diagnose a hemophilia patient, but if this accident had been on a larger scale, it could’ve gone either way. You’re both very lucky it was only a cracked head and not something life threatening.
“I want to prescribe some iron pills as well. Her iron deposits are extremely low, which aren’t helping with the clotting process either. She has four stitches that will dissolve on their own. The nurse will give you cleaning instructions, but it’s pretty straightforward. Please do not hesitate to bring her in if she experiences any more excessive bleeding or what you may suspect is internal bleeding.” He must notice the frightened expression on our faces because he softens, stepping into us and setting a careful hand on Baz’s shoulder. “I know this is a lot for you both to take in, but your daughter is going to be okay. She is being moved into another room at the moment, and once the nurses have her settled, you both can stay in there with her.”
Baz and I spend the night at the hospital beside Ava’s bed, and I refuse to take my gaze off her the entire time. My chest is tight for so many reasons. I’m glad she’s okay, I’m angry with myself for letting this happen, and I’m scared I didn’t know my sister as well as I thought I did. There is so much going on in my head, and I just want it all to stop.
The next morning, when Ava stirs, I can’t even hold back my sob when I have her back in my arms. I was so afraid I would lose her. I was so afraid I’d fucked it all up
I don’t want to think about the possibility of us truly being related. I don’t want to think about Vincent, Zach, or any of the Savages. I just want to focus on my daughter.
Baz drives us home. We haven’t spoken a word to each other since the possible ‘Madison having a child’ bombshell dropped. I get the feeling he’s processing, trying to work out how it could be possible, while I’m doing much of the same thing. I can’t help but wonder that, if it is true, how was I so blind? If they did, how did my family keep a secret as huge as this from me?
After helping me settle Ava in bed next to me, Baz hovers near the foot of the bed. His gaze rakes over us, a tension radiating off him in waves.
“I’m going to pick up her prescriptions, and I’ll be back with some food for you guys.” I get the feeling he doesn’t want to leave us, but if our fight earlier was any indication that we’re falling into the same old habits, he obviously still needs his space.
“Maybe you can have Dan do it for you?”
“I should handle it myself, just to make sure they give her everything she’ll need. I should probably go.”
“And what if I don’t want you to go?” I whisper, too afraid to look at him, in case he denies me. There’s a long beat of silence, then I hear his feet retreating out of the room and down the hall. The front door opens and closes, and my face collapses as a sob bursts from my chest. Loving is pain. I’ve never been surer of anything. I hate this feeling in my chest. It feels like my heart is being torn to shreds. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I need Baz in my life, but I can’t have him. And I hate the universe for it.
I’m sure he’s second-guessing his vow to be here for us no matter what. It would hurt, but I can understand if this is too much for him. He didn’t sign up for this. A pang shoots through my chest, and I tug Ava closer to me, basking in her warmth, something I was scared I’d never get to feel again.
My sob gets lodged in my throat when the sound of footfalls suddenly grows in volume. I pick up my head, with tears staining my face, and find Baz standing there watching me. His expression is tight. His jaw is grinding back and forth, as though he wants to