walk my way, giving me her full attention. “Yeah?”
“What do you wanna do tonight?”
It was so presumptuous of me to ask her that. The question was one a man in a relationship might ask his girlfriend, and why I thought she’d even want to spend her night with me, I don’t know.
“Well, what are my options?”
I scratched uncomfortably at the back of my neck. “Uh, well, I didn’t know if you were going to the poetry club or not, so if you wanted to head over there, you could—"
“Okay, let me rephrase that. What are you doing tonight?”
Darting my eyes toward Shane, I found him busying himself by helping Toby pack up. Celia was occupied with her phone, Gus had gone into his office, and Lex had already left. Realizing I had a moment of wide-open privacy, I locked onto Audrey’s gaze with my own.
“Shane mentioned grabbing dinner. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to come, or if you had other plans, but if you wanted—”
“Blake,” she stopped me, meeting my eyes with desperate sincerity. “I’m here, okay? I’m here.”
It felt like it should’ve made me feel patronized, the slow, quiet, patient tone of her voice. It wasn’t unlike the tone I used on my brother when he was out of control. But those two little words, “I’m here,” pressed firmly against my heart, hugging and begging for access. I swallowed at the desperate need to doubt and defend, and my brain began to buckle and relent.
“Okay,” I replied simply.
“So, you guys down for dinner?” Shane asked, brushing his hands against the thighs of his jeans.
“Yeah,” I told him.
Shane hit me with two thumbs up before asking, “How about you, Toby?”
His nose wrinkled and he shook his head. “Don’t take it personally. I’m just not into being the third wheel on a double date,” he said, and surprisingly, I didn’t feel the need to correct him.
Chapter Nineteen
LIVING A METICULOUSLY planned life with Jake, meant rarely straying outside of my own routine. Meals were always bought at the grocery store and cooked at home. But now, I was in a restaurant, surrounded by people who weren’t members of my family, and I felt strange and out of place. At nearly thirty-four years old, eating in public shouldn’t have been such a challenge. Yet I found myself fumbling foolishly with the cloth napkin and its enclosed utensils, as Celia and Shane discussed the menu items. For the first time ever, I wondered if Jake maybe was holding me back.
“Having a hard time over there?” Audrey’s voice tore me from the difficult task of laying the napkin across my lap, and when I looked up, I caught the grin she struggling to contain.
“I feel like an asshole,” I admitted, smoothing the fabric over my thighs and glancing around the restaurant to see if anybody had noticed.
“Don’t get out often, huh?”
“Is it that obvious?”
She smiled and shrugged easily. “It’s okay. I know the feeling.”
I wished we were here alone, without Cee and Shane and a room full of tourists and drunkards surrounding us. I wished I could talk candidly about the traitorous thoughts cycloning through my mind, and with her, I felt I could. But not now.
“You drinking?” Shane asked, his chin tipped toward me.
“I dunno, man,” I shrugged. We had walked to Rockafellas from Salem Skin, but I would still have to take the bike home. I didn’t like the idea of leaving it overnight. That was a risk I’d taken last week and I didn’t want to do it again.
“Come on, don’t let me drink alone!” He was boisterous and full of laughter, as he dropped the menu exasperatedly. He bumped his shoulder against Audrey’s. “What about you, Aud?”
“Um …” She lifted her menu and pointed to something. “I was thinking about this, but I don’t know …”
Cee lifted in her chair to see what Audrey was pointing at. “Oh! The candy corn martini is freakin’ incredible. Get that. You’ll love it.”
“Well, if I get a drink, you have to get one, too.” I felt the toe of Audrey’s shoe touch the side of my boot. “Just one?”
“Fine,” I relented, unable to say no to her. How could I? “One.”
But one turned into two, and two became three, and by the time the fourth round of drinks made it to the table, my mind was no longer on my bike. It was on the burger half-eaten in front of me, the breeze flowing in from the open door, and the bustling atmosphere.