pictured you having.”
She smiled; her cheeks tinted a shade of embarrassment. "Yeah, I guess I play the part. Except," she outstretched her arms and glanced down to her shirt, "right now I'm missing the finger paint and glitter glue all over my clothes."
I chuckled, painfully aware of the dipping, swooping sensation happening in my stomach. The gradual descent of my heart, barely scraping the surface of something emotional. Testing it out and trying it on for size. Before, I had liked her appeal. I had liked what we could do together in my bed. But now, I found, I simply liked her. It was wrong in a thousand ways. She was wrong for me, I was entirely wrong for her, but this attraction of my heart couldn't be quelled.
It didn't help when she looked up at me and smiled, her eyes twinkling and her lips shining. How could she look so put together while weaning a lingering inebriation? I imagined how I must look to her, red-eyed and fucked up. Messy hair and scruffy beard. Sweaty and dirty. My lips begged to meet hers, to say hello, to feel the contradiction between our skin. But I was filthy, and she was so, so clean.
"It's getting late," I found my mouth moving, unsure of the words.
She lifted her wrist to look at her watch. "Oh, wow, yeah. It's past midnight. That's crazy." Her eyes met mine once again. "Time flies when you're having fun, I guess."
My laugh erupted from my throat, bursting past my lips. "Oh, yeah. I'm loads of fun." I swiped my glass from the coffee table and took hers before standing and heading into the kitchen. "Should I remind you of the shit I said to you before? I'm a world class asshole."
I placed the glasses in the sink, and there were her footsteps again.
"You're not an asshole," she argued gently. "You're guarded, and abrasive, and way too hard on yourself. But you're not an asshole."
Guarded ... I spelled that word out in my mind, tracing the curve of the G with my fingertip against the sink's lip. I was guarded. The good doctor always said I was defensive with her, but actually, I was always defending. Myself, my faults, my brother.
Guarded.
What a perfect word to describe something so far from perfect.
"You should go," I muttered quietly.
I awaited her reply with dread. I wanted her to go so badly, but even more than that, I wanted her to stay. Cee had never stayed the night, and for once, I wanted the company. I wanted to witness the contrast of her skin against mine. I wanted to entangle my legs in the web of hers and catch myself in the lengths of her hair. I wanted to breathe in her scent as we fell asleep. But those reminders of why this was all a terrible idea wouldn't shut the fuck up, and I couldn’t stop telling myself that the last thing she should want is me.
"Yeah," she breathed, and I exhaled with relief and regret, until she added, "but I don't want to."
I turned to face her with trepidation and anticipation, and before she or I could speak and stop this from happening, my hands were on either side of her face and my lips were on hers in the most impromptu first kiss. It wasn't magical and it certainly wasn't sweet. It was an urgent display of my desire in the middle of my kitchen, in a house she thought was cute.
I walked her backward until she hit the wall, never breaking the lock my mouth had on hers. To feel her hands in my hair was deliciously deviant. Her fingers wrapped within the strands in coordination with her lips, opening to accept my tongue, and I obliged with a needy and guttural groan. Every bit of warning was silenced by the sounds of our mouths, moving together in a dance of tongues and the crash of teeth, and every want I'd ever had aimed directly at her was spread blatantly across every one of my fingertips. They clasped at her face, thrust into her hair, and moved around to press firmly against the small of her back, to prove just how badly I wanted her.
Audrey whimpered into my mouth and her knees buckled, leaning further against me. "Blake?" she whispered, pulling her lips from mine.
"What?" The word scraped against my throat.
She opened her eyes and they dodged over my face before settling within my gaze. "Did you