rang loud and clear in my mind. The same thing that I'd known to be true for a long time.
Jake would be with me forever, and as long as he was there, my life would be his. There wasn’t room for anything, or anyone, else. And there never would be.
Chapter Five
I BOOKED A LAST-MINUTE session with Dr. Travetti the day of Shane's appointment, and after dropping Jake off at daycare, I barreled into the office with determination singeing my veins. My leather jacket was splattered with the beginning of a thunderstorm, my favorite weather, and on any other occasion, I would've found the dark clouds soothing. But today, I saw them as a premonition from a god I could never believe in.
"This is new," she declared, gesturing toward me before sitting in her chair.
"What is?"
"You coming in here unannounced."
I screwed my face with confusion. "Unannounced? I made an appointment this morning."
"You did?" Surprise widened her eyes and she quickly checked her phone, probably searching through her schedule. "Ah, you did. This is what I get for running late in the morning."
I snorted at her admission. "So, you're telling me the good doctor is human."
"More than you know," she said with a small, sad smile, revealing a side of herself I’d never seen before. I wondered if I’d ever see it again as she asked, "So, are you okay?"
The question was tied to a smile but full of concern, and I lowered my brows at the insinuation. "Why wouldn't I be okay?"
"Well, you gotta see that this is different for you, Blake. You're usually very regimented. You keep a strict schedule. You’re very much a creature of habit, and you've been seeing me every Monday morning for the past two years, and suddenly, out of the blue, you need a last-minute appointment. So, back to my initial question—are you okay?” She smiled encouragingly without any glimmer of sadness and I missed it. That sadness had made her more relatable.
"Yeah, I'm fine ..." The assuredness in my voice wavered and she noticed.
"Are you?"
With a sigh, my elbows planted to my knees, the leather of my jacket creaking with the movement. "I think so?" I looked to her for corroboration and she laughed incredulously.
"I can't tell you if you're fine, Blake. But I do think something brought you in here, so ..." She shrugged innocently.
I turned my head and looked out the window. Her office was on the second floor of a building overlooking Derby Square in Downtown Salem. The cobblestone streets called my name within this historical town. It was where I granted my soul the permission to come alive when the sun set and the moon rose and my dreams breathed. If things were different, if life was different, this was where I'd open up my own shop. In the heart of the history of my favorite place on Earth.
If things were different ... Even with the use of an if, I felt I looked at it as an option, when I shouldn't be thinking it at all. It wasn't possible. It wasn't happening. It was no less improbable than the sun dropping from the sky at this very second, and the finality formed a lump in my chest that moved to my throat and made me shudder with defeat.
"Blake?"
I shook my head at the window, at Old Town Hall and the brick steps and the pedestrians with rain-dotted umbrellas. "Shit's been weird," I blurted.
"How do you mean?"
Turning from the rain and the cloudy sky, I elaborated. "Last week, some chick ..." I stopped myself, feeling instantly disrespectful to this woman I didn't know but remained haunted by, and I started over. "This woman, Audrey, emailed me, looking for a tattoo. Then, when she came into the shop the next day, I took one look at her and jumped to conclusions like a total dick. I never do that, I’m not a judgmental prick, but I said shit I shouldn't have. Yet, instead of walking out of there like a normal person, she stayed. She wanted this tattoo done by me specifically, because apparently, it was something I had designed years ago."
"You didn't remember it?"
I hesitated before shaking my head. "I didn't, and that in itself was embarrassing. I mean, I've been doing this shit for a long time, Doc, so naturally I'm not going to remember every skull or raven I put on someone. But this fuckin’ thing ..." I scrubbed a palm over my scruffy face. "I feel like