to find an inch of forgiveness for her, at any point in my life?”
“I’m just saying, you never know.”
I smiled affectionately at the nearly innocent look of hope on her face. “You have way more faith than I’ll ever have.”
Audrey returned the smile and took another bite of her burger. “All I’m saying is, you never know.”
***
I woke up abruptly to a dark room and an eerie quiet. It was midnight and the house was still around me and Audrey still slept soundly beside me with her arm over my chest and her leg wrapped around mine. Snow pattered outside, landing in whispers against the window. Everything seemed calm and perfect, and yet, nothing felt right.
I focused intently on my body. Maybe it’d been something I ate, maybe the food had been bad. Yet my stomach was fine, without nausea or pangs. I didn’t have a headache, backache, toothache, or any other kind of ache to speak of.
With a deep breath, I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep. I urged my worried mind to find contentedness in the woman at my side, the comfortable bed at my back, and the peaceful lullaby of the snowfall outside. It was winter, the season I loved about as much as autumn, and the brunt of my life was good. There was nothing to be worried about in this moment, and I just needed to go back to sleep.
But I couldn’t. It seemed impossible to find the calm I so desperately sought, and the longer I laid there, the harder my heart began to beat toward a panic. Finally, I let out an agitated huff and sat up in bed. Audrey’s arm dropped from my chest and I scrubbed my hands over my face.
“Fuck,” I muttered, pulling my knees up. “What the hell?”
“What’s wrong, Blake?” Audrey asked groggily, now curling her arm around my waist.
“I can’t sleep,” I explained weakly, as I laid a hand against her hip. “Sorry for waking you up.”
“No, it’s okay,” she assured me. “You want some tea? Maybe that would help.”
“Yeah …” I nodded at the idea. “Yeah, I think I’ll do that.”
She nodded in her sleepy haze and rolled away. “Okay, I’ll get the kettle boil—”
I chuckled and caught her before she could leave the bed. “No, you go back to sleep. I got it.”
Humming, she nodded again. “Don’t be gone long.”
“I’ll come right back,” I promised.
In the kitchen, I waited for the water to boil, desperately trying to ignore the trepidation making itself at home in my gut and mind. It felt insane, how unsettled I was over absolutely nothing. The house was fine. Audrey was fine. I was fine. Everything was fine. I gritted my teeth, planting my palms firmly against the counter as I repeatedly chanted in my head. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. The mantra was on a continuous loop, in hopes that something would click, and I’d manage to shake this horrific dread I couldn’t pinpoint.
JAKE. The microwave clock read 12:22 when the thought hit me as I poured the boiling water into my mug. It came as a bellowing shout, presenting itself in big, bold letters as black as the water surrounding the tea strainer of loose leaves. My hands started to shake and I put the hot kettle down on the counter before my vision blurred too much to see what I was doing.
I ran from the kitchen to grab my phone, but when I got to the bedroom, it was already ringing. Audrey was sitting up in bed, bewildered as I burst into the room and snatched my phone from the nightstand to find my dad calling.
“Blake?” she asked, her voice trembling. She was scared.
So was I.
I didn’t respond to her as I quickly answered the phone. “Dad?”
I waited for his voice to say something to me, anything, but it didn’t come right away. First, I heard someone else. Someone I didn’t recognize.
“Ma’am, I understand. I need you—”
Then, my mother’s voice, shouting, “Don’t you tell me to calm down! I can’t … I can’t …” She was crying, sobbing, and unable to control herself.
My heart couldn’t possibly beat any harder, or any faster, without exploding. “Dad?” I repeated, once again going ignored.
“Diana,” Dad spoke, forcing a calm that wasn’t coming naturally. “Go with them. I’ll meet you there. Okay?”
Then, he acknowledged me. “Blake, listen to me—”
“What the fuck is going on?” I blurted, my voice strained and choked. “Dad, I want you to tell me